G is for Good Job!

Everyone wants praise. That's just the world we live in.
It's nice to know when we are doing something right, or that we are doing a good job.


However, we are starting to become a praise driven society. I know many people who don't do something unless they know they are going to be praised. I know people who actively search for praise. People who fish for compliments. How did we come to this? Can we really not just live quietly, going about our lives, doing good, just for the simpleness of doing good? Must we always be placed on a pedestal?

We are currently living in a world where because of this, children now depend on praise in order to feel validated. Children are given trophies just for participating, even if they never got off the bench.

Praise has also wormed its way into becoming a huge player in the classroom. As a future teacher, I have spent quite a lot of time inside real classrooms watching and observing. I have been around really amazing teachers and some really not amazing teachers. Each teacher had her own way of using praise within the classroom, but, more often than not, they all used the blanket "Good Job", or "You're so smart!"when talking to their students. In one day, I heard the phrase "Good Job" over 35 times. That was it though. Just "Good Job." There was no originality, nothing specific or personal about the praise.

Now, I'm not saying that praise is bad, and that we shouldn't be praising our students and children. No, children need praise, especially when they are young and still developing. But there is a better way to go about praising our children.

Recently, there have been a number of studies done about praise and intelligence. In one study, children were divided into two groups and given the same puzzle to solve. The puzzle was easy enough that all students were able to solve it, but each group was given a different type of praise. The first group was given the blanket "Good job! You are so smart!" phrases. Group two on the other hand was told things like they did a great job coming up with different ways to solve the puzzle, that they were hard workers, and that they didn't give up. Later, the children were presented with the option to complete the same puzzle, or try one that was more challenging. Group two, the ones who were told were hard workers and creatives, opted to try and solve the harder puzzle, while the children in the first group chose to do the same puzzle again.

Why is this?

Because, when we give general praise, tell children they are smart, we limit their intelligence and hinder their creative problem solving abilities. The children in the first group knew that they were smart with the first puzzle, but the fear of the unknown, the harder puzzle, kept them from even trying. What if they were not smart when it came to something more challenging? They wanted to remain "smart" and so they stayed at the same level and refused to even try. Along with this, while  group two learned that they were hard workers, and could work independently without needing to be praised at every task completed, the children in the first group became dependent on that praise. They needed to be told that they were doing a good job with every step of the process that they completed.

Praise is a good thing. I fully intend to praise my students for their outstanding accomplishments. But, I will also teach my students that they do not always need that extrinsic motivation. One teacher I had the  privilege of working with was a master of this.  Not only did she use specific, child process  praise, but she also turned it back onto them, reminding them of how good it felt to have all their work completed and turned in on time, how good it felt to have studied and gotten good grades on tests, how good it felt to be on their best behavior and not being in trouble all the time. Slowly, as the year progressed, the children no longer came up to show her every single assignment, no longer were they calling attention to any tiny behavior or good choice that they made. Praise was still handed out in the classroom, but it actually meant something to the children.


So, next time you are with a child, and they do something good or amazing, praise them. But be specific. When they show you a drawing, ask them about it, and then use that to give them praise. Tell them you like how they completed something. Next time they tell you a story, tell them you are proud of the choices they made, and explain to them why. Don't you dare say "Good Job" and walk away. Don't you dare tell them they are smart without explaining why. Encourge their creativity, don't hinder it.

F is for Falling

Although hardly ever by choice, I spend a lot of time on the ground. I'm a really clumsy person, and that tends to lead to me falling down a lot. Like, more than normal people. I fall all the time, literally and figuratively. I can't begin to count the times that I have fallen, whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically. 

However, during my time spent on the ground, I have come to look at things through a different perspective. Everything seems different when you are laying on the ground. Being on the ground allows me time to sit back and look at my life and my actions from afar. From the ground, I can more clearly see what is really happening, and then make better judgments based on my new perspective. 

There is a line from one of my favorite movies that has always stuck out to me, and has stuck with me throughout my life. In the beginning of the Batman series, Bruce falls down an abandoned well on his parents estate while playing with his childhood friend. After some time, his father rescues him, and asks him a very important question. He asks, " Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." 

Although only a short moment in the film, this line teaches us two important lesson. Not only should we pick ourselves back up after we have fallen, but we must also learn how. It may be different every time, but at some point, we learn how to best pick ourselves off the floor, dust ourselves off, and continue going. 

Just because we have picked ourselves up, doesn't mean that everything will be easy and simple again. I can not tell you how many times I have picked myself up, only to run full speed into another wall, slam into it, and fall back down. It may take awhile. Sometimes I like to stay on the floor and sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it to get back up, but I always get up. I always get up, and start running. 

So, fall. Fall a lot. Falling isn't a bad thing. Just get back up. 

E is For Elephants

E is for Elephants.

Of course it is. If you even entertained the slightest thought that I would write about something other than elephants, you should be ashamed of yourself. Clearly, you don’t know me as well as you think you do.

For those of you who really don’t know me that well, let me begin this post by saying that I love elephants. With a passion. I can’t get enough of them. When I see something that has an elephant on it, I will typically buy it. People now buy me things simply because it has an elephant on it. (Makes buying gifts for me so much easier I think.) I have so many elephants in my life. From sweatshirts, to rings, to bracelets, rings, necklaces, blankets, shirts, scarfs, piggy banks, statues, and stuffed elephants, elephants pretty much consume my life.

I don’t know why I like elephants so much. I don’t have the words to describe the feeling that I get when I see one. The joy is so intense that it very often brings tears to my eyes. If I ever got to touch one, we all know I would end up balling my eyes out from excitement. When I am stressed, elephants bring me peace, and when I am upset, they provide the comfort I so desperately need.

Now, while I love elephants, this post is actually not me trying to convince you to fall in love with them either. Rather, it is to convince you to find something for yourself that is to me what elephants are to me. Everyone needs something, anything good, that they can turn to no matter the situation. Something that brings them pure joy, just by looking at it. Something that can bring comfort where others have failed. I’m not advocating that you do something bad or look at things you’ll regret later in life for a moment of fleeting joy, instead I’m telling you to find your elephants. Find that one thing that speaks to you, and then, make it yours. 

D is for Don't Date Douchebags

The title pretty much say's it all. Don't do it.


This one applies to both genders, cause ladies, let's be honest here, we can be douchebags too. It's a fact of life.

Need some examples? Don't worry little ones, I got this one covered.

If they don't want anyone to know that you are dating and climb out a window in your apartment so your room mates don't see them, you might not want to date them.

If they don't want anyone to know you are dating at all, you might not want to date them.

If they get upset every time you want to go do something with your room mates, you might not want to date them.

If they don't believe that you really are only having a girls night with your room mates, you might not want to date them.

If they only want to make out you, you might not want to date them.

If they get to text ex girlfriends/boyfriends, but get upset when you glance at member of the opposite gender, you probably shouldn't date them.

If they refuse to meet your family after dating for awhile, you probably shouldn't be dating them.

If they make fun of your beliefs, break up with them.

Now, I get it, sometimes it's hard to tell if a person is a douchebag right off the bat. Sometimes it takes awhile for these things to surface. But, once they do, RUN.

I get it. Dating is hard. Especially now. They don't always have to text you first. They don't have to want to hang out with you all the time. But everyone deserves someone who is going to treat them right. If they can't respect you or if they treat you like dirt, don't waste your time on them. It doesn't matter how cute they are, or how wonderful you have built them up in your mind to be. It's not worth the inevitable pain that will come.

C is for Country Music

This semester is packed full of methods courses, such as teaching math, teaching social studies, teaching reading, and teaching writing-to name a few. In my writing class, our teacher firmly believes that of we are going to be effective writing teachers, then we have to be writers ourselves. Because of this, we have a short quick write every class, where she poses a question or the beginning of a sentence and we respond. I thought I would use this post to show off some of my favorite responses. 

This first one was a descriptive writing that Rachel, Kayla and I did about a parade. We were given the word parade and were told to come up with various descriptive words that we could use to describe the parade without actually saying parade, and then we were told to write a story about it. This is what we came up with-

"During the hot summer, the whole town gathers on the cool grass to watch the glimmering instruments as they move in unison down the center lane. Amid the shouting and cheering, the sirens begin leading the slow procession through the city. As the colorful floats, glittering in the sunlight pass by, tired parents watch their laughing children greedily snatch up the sweets thrown on the rough pavement. Large hands lead sticky fingers away from the smells of the wet pavement and the musky crowds."

That day we also came up with things like " A damp towel is a useless as soggy bread," and "A damp towel feels like wet socks after a jog through the woods, the woods, oh the woods."

One of my favorite things that I have written in this class (the one that bring it back to the letter C) is this one. The prompt we were given was "If my life was a song it would be..." This is what I came up with. 

"If my life was a song it would be a country song. It would be one that would make you want to dance. Full of happy times to make you giggle and sad times to make you quiet, my song would be one that would make you look back longingly to the past, while still allowing you to look forward to the future with hope."

So, if your life was a song- what would your song be?

B is for Beautiful. You are Beautiful.

This post is written specifically for my little sister. As the oldest girl in my family,  my goal as my sister grows up is to be the older sister to her that I wish I had growing up, the one who was supposed to tell me all of these things.

However, the things that I will be writing about in this installment can apply to everyone- even boys!

A few years ago I took a family finance class here at Utah State. While in the class one of our assignments was to figure out our net worth. For those of you who don’t know how to find your net worth, in simple terms, you take everything you own and add up how much that is worth, then subtract all the debts you have and wham! That’s how much money you are worth.

As a poor college student, sitting down to do the assignment proved to be discouraging and upsetting. The most expensive thing that I owned was my camera, and possibly my laptop. I had a $200 championship water polo ring, but other than that, I didn’t have anything of value. Those few hundred dollars didn’t even begin to make a dent in the student loans I was currently racking up. Suddenly, I was worth nothing.  As a woman, I had grown up with media shoving their idea of a worth while woman in my face constantly, and according to my net worth, I didn’t measure up.

This assignment made me start to think about the idea of self-worth and body image. Why is it we tell the girls who have the expensive haircuts and designer jeans that they are the important ones? That they are the ones who have the most worth? How is this supposed to make the girl sitting in the corner in with the supercuts haircut and $10 walmart jeans? Is she not important? Does she not matter? Is she not beautiful as well?

Sydney, (and all of the rest of you reading this) YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

As a daughter of God, a princess of the most royal king, created in His image, there is no way that you can not be beautiful. President Utchdorf has given numerous talks on this subject. One of his most famous, the one about the Forget-Me-Not, although aimed at Relief Society sisters, has important applications for every woman (and man, of course) no matter their age. Heavenly Father loves you. He is always aware of you, of your hopes and desires, of your sorrows and trials. He does not look to earthly things to determine your worth, but rather, He looks inside of you.

Recently, President Utchdorf gave another talk, this time in the General women’s session of the October 2014 conference. While his talk was focused on living the gospel joyfully, he did say this- “Do you suppose it matters to our Heavenly Father whether your makeup, clothes, hair, and nails are perfect? Do you think your value to Him changes based on how many followers you have on Instagram or Pinterest? Do you think He wants you to worry or get depressed if some un-friend or un-follow you on Facebook or Twitter? Do you think outward attractiveness, your dress size, or popularity make the slightest difference in your worth to the One who created the universe?” None of that matters to Him. It doesn't matter if you carry hundred dollar purses, or if you wear sweatpants all day. 

Because you are a child of the most high God, you are infinitely precious in His sight.

And, you are beautiful.  Don’t any of you ever forget that. 

A is for Always.

Always. 

Snape said it. Whitney Houston sang about it.  Everyone is searching for it.

Talking to people is always so fascinating. No matter what you talk about, no matter who you talk to, there is always the underlying theme of forever and always. They may be talking about love. They might not be. You could be talking to a completely random stranger about their likes, their dislikes, but it's always there. It's clear that everyone is searching for something that will last forever, something that will always be there.

How interesting do you think it would be for many people to learn that they already have something that will always be there. Something, that no matter what they do, will always be there. No matter how many mistakes they make, how many times they try and fail, will always be there?

Always.
That's the promise our Heavenly Father gives us for His love. Always. And yet, we are often slow to believe this. I have often wondered why this is. If we are all searching for our always, why would we not believe that our Heavenly Father would always love us? How powerful the grasp of Satan, to make us believe that we have sinned more than our Father's perfect love can forgive.

The scriptures are full of examples of our Father's unfailing love. The parable in Matthew of the prodigal son is an amazing example. My most favorite and the one that really drives home this point in my own life, is the story of Alma the Younger. After all he had done, all the sins he committed, our Father in Heaven STILL loved him. In Mosiah we read that because of his sins, Alma was wracked with the pains of his sins, he sorrowed so much that he wished he could die, that he could be banished from the presence of the Father, and yet, even still, the Father always loved him. He never stopped. Finally, after having repented of his sins, Alma was filled with immense joy, that he remembered them no more and was filled with a marvelous light. (see Mosiah 36)

How comforting this passage has been in my own life. There have been times when I have sinned and have allowed the devil to drag me down into that awful hell, full of grief and pain. There have been many times that I have cried out in pain, believing that the Father has forgotten me, that there was no possible way that He could ever love me again.

Oh, how wrong I have been, The Father has always been there. He has always loved me.

We do have our part to do though. We must not run through this life thinking that it is okay to do whatever, because the Lord will always love us. While the knowledge that the Father will always love me is what brings me peace and allows me to start each new day with a hope for the future, I must do my part and repent of all of my wrong doings. And while that is not always easy, it must be done. It is the knowledge that there is nothing I can do, no level I can sink to, that the infinite light of the Savior and his atonement can not find me, can not reach me.

In April of 2012, Elder Jeffery R. Holland gave a talk entitled "The Laborers in the Vineyard". This talk entered into my life at the exact moment that I was struggling with this concept the most, further proving that the Father is ever mindful of me. I had not told anyone of my struggles, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I had not prayed about them wither, and yet, this talk came at a critical and important time.

This is only a small, simple part of his talk, given at the very end, and yet, to me, it is the most important part of the entire talk. I'll let Elder Holland do the talking, because he can say things in ways that my simple words could never begin to do justice.



Always.