L is for London

Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to travel. I would dream of far away places and the adventures that I would have on my journeys. These days I have the opportunities to make those journeys come true, so I jump on the chances as they come. 

This last summer I was able to go to London. As a history buff, London has always intrigued me and has been at the top of my list of places I have wanted to visit. To say I was excited to go on this trip would be the understatement of the year. There was a lot of hard things happening in my life at the time of this trip and when it came time to go, I used my trip as a way to prove to myself that I truly can do hard things. I CAN travel by myself, I CAN navigate a bustling city, and I CAN have life changing experiences.

Now this trip wasn’t just a pleasure trip, in fact the entire reason that I was going was to better myself as an educator. To my educator friends reading this post, RUN to Bookbag Tours. Seriously. This trip was so amazing and they were so great to work with! We got to stay with educators and go into the schools in London. It was amazing to see the differences in their schooling and the way they approach education. They way the students there behaved and respected their teachers was so different than what we are used to here in the states. My host was the principal in the school and described to me some of their harder students and how challenging they could be, but as I walked around the school, I honestly couldn’t pick any of them out. Any behavior issues I did see were not only quickly and effectively dealt with, but seemed minor in comparison to things that teachers on this side of the pond seem to be dealing with everyday. 

One of my biggest goals as an educator is to make sure that all of my students know that their differences are things that should be celebrated. I never want a child to walk out 
of my class thinking that they are better than anyone else simply because of how they chose to dress, how they look, or their family backgrounds. I spend a lot of time with my students talking about differences and how they are important. We celebrate different heritages every month. We learn about important figures in that particular culture and the influences that that culture has on our lives. As part of this trip, we got to learn different ways to become global educators from The Top Dog Teacher, Kayla Delzer. If you haven’t seen the things that she is doing with her kids and educators, you really need to go check her out. 

I’m a visual learner, and we all know pictures speak a thousand words, so please enjoy a few favorites from my trip. 

If I could do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat. Seeing my best friend, making new friends, and learning new things about myself made for the perfect trip. 

K is for Kindergarten

I am so happy to announce that I have accepted a job in the Box Elder School District. This job allows me to fulfill my dream of becoming a KINDERGARTEN TEACHER!

I honestly couldn't be more excited. And terrified. I'm mostly excited though. Full disclosure, I most definitely cried when I got off the phone with my principal. I just couldn't keep all my emotions in! This is what I have spent the vast majority of my life planning for, and it's finally happening! All the hard work, tears, laughs, and late nights are finally paying off. Kindergarten is my dream job as well. I never thought that I would get to be a kindergarten teacher right off the bat. Usually, you take the first job you get and wait until you have tenure before you can finally teach the grade you've been dreaming about. I am so insanely blessed and humbled by this opportunity. 

So many of you have helped me so much through this journey. Whether you helped pay for my schooling, gave me supplies, or were just there to support me and cheer me along, every single one of you have impacted my life. 

However, I must call on you once again to help me out. 

Education is the most valuable thing that a person can possess, and yet, for some reason in this country, teachers are held at such low regard that they are paid very little for all that they do. Many teachers struggle paycheck to paycheck and take second jobs in the summer just to make ends meet. Funding for schools isn't always the greatest either and many teachers have to do without some of the vital supplies to make their students successful. 

Research shows that nearly all teachers spend at least $600 out of their own pockets to buy supplies for their classrooms. Some spend nearly $1000 every year, buying even some of the most basic supplies. 

As a first year teacher, straight out of college, I do not very much extra pocket money to buy many of the supplies needed for my classroom. I am only asking for money to buy some of the basics, pencils, crayons, markers, art supplies, glue, and most importantly, books. 

Teaching is something that I am very passionate about and it would mean so much to me if I were able to get all the supplies needed to make my students successful in school. 

I have set up a gofundme account where you can donate money to my classroom. However, if you wish to donate something specific, contact me! I've got a list and a book wishlist a mile long that I would love to share with you! Thank you all, again, for everything that you have done! I am SO EXCITED to finally be a teacher! 

Link to my gofund me account:

gofundme.com/bvvaszn8

Or contact me at nicole.morris93@yahoo.com! 

J is for Just In Time

  Time has always been something that is just so interesting to me. Sounds strange I know, But let me  explain myself. 

They say that patience is a virtue, but it is not a virtue that I possess. Patience is probably the greatest thing that I have struggled with my whole life. Every single day is a new challenge and test, and scarcely does a week go by when I don't have a huge, in my face lesson on patience. I've always said that Heavenly Father and I have such a humorous relationship and I think that His trials in patience that He gives me must be His entertainment for the week. I'm sure He gets a good laugh every now and then!

Growing up in the church, there was one common phrase that I heard quite often; in talks, the scriptures, all over. Although often phrased differently, the meaning was always the same. The Lord's time. In the time of the Lord. 

We learn and know that the Lord's time is very different than our own. Not only by how He measures it, but also by how it passes. This has been the biggest struggle of my whole life. 

Let me explain. In my classroom, we are currently working on teaching our second grade students about Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits. One of the habits (the one we are currently focusing on RIGHT NOW) is to begin with the end in mind. When we put this into practice, we create goals, somewhere we want to end, and then we focus our actions onto achieving that goal. 

So how does this fit into the the Lord's time? Heavenly Father already knows the end. He knows what we are going to go through and when we will stumble and fall. Because He already knows all of this, He knows exactly when to step in and help, when to give us some encouragement, and even when to take certain things away from us. 

So this is where my struggle come into play. When I make a goal or decided I want something, I want it RIGHT NOW. Hello lack of patience. I have the hardest time waiting for things and I can't even begin to tell you how many nights I have spent on my knees pleading with Heavenly Father to give me something or to even take something away from me. 

Fortunately, Heavenly Father knows me better and more intimately than I know myself, and He has my end in mind always. If any of you have seen me cry ever, you know how absolutely heartbreaking and ugly that experience is. I have no doubt that in those moments, when I am sobbing and crying out for help, Heavenly Father would like nothing more than to gather me into his arms, hold me tight, and tell me that everything is going to be okay, that in the end I will understand why He gives me the trials He does. But He doesn't, not only because I have my agency, but also because He always knows what is best for me.   

Because Heavenly Father knows me so well, (and if I may go back to the humorous relationship that He and I share) likes to joke with me, He has made sure that EVERY single blessing that I have ever received in my entire life has included some form of my favorite phrase, According to the Lord's time. Apparently I need to be reminded that He is in control quite often. 

While I never see it in the moment, when I actually take the time to stop and I am quiet, I can always see the purpose of why things come about exactly when they do. While I may not understand why I meet someone when I do or why someone is removed from my life when I don't want them to be, when I look back I can see why. Every single person who has walked into or out of my life did so at the exact moment that I needed them to. Certain people have walked into my life right before the storms hit, and they were the ones who had exactly what I needed to get me safely through the hard times in my life. Other people have left my life moments before things would have most likely taken me away from my goals, and although in the moment I hate to see them go, I have come to realize that this is Heavenly Fathers way of protecting me. 

My life is full of examples of Heavenly Father giving me exactly what I need at exactly the right time. I can't tell you how many songs have begun to play, songs that sang the words I needed to hear when I needed to hear them. How many quotes I have stumbled upon that said the things I couldn't put into words. How many times someone has called at the exact moment that I needed to hear from them only to have them say the exact things I needed to hear. Even this particular blog post came about at the right moment it needed to. I had this topic planned months ago, but every time I sat down to write it, I couldn't even put one complete sentence together. Clearly I still needed to learn something about timing!

I is for Inside Out

Recently, the best friend and I went to go see this darling movie. While its a lovely movie for children, full of good laughs and values, I found this movie to have a huge lesson tied into it. I love when I learn such important life lessons from such unexpected venues, and this movie is the perfect example of how sometimes the answers we are seeking in life often come to us in ways we never would have expected. 

We need sadness. 

I feel as though there is so much pressure in this world to be happy. You say you're sad or upset about something and a million people are right there telling you to stay strong and be positive. Pinterest is full of pins telling us to be happy, that sadness is a waste of our time, that you have to stay strong and always be smiling. To look at the positive side of things because being sad isn't worth your time. Because of this, I know I personally sometimes feel a little guilty about feeling sad and crying over stupid things, cause Pinterest is always right, right? There is always someone who has it worse than I do, crying and frowning gives me wrinkles and so I just need to be happy and get over it...

I call bullsh*t on this whole mentality that we have somehow brainwashed ourselves into believing. There is nothing wrong with being sad. In fact, I think that we NEED to be sad in order to actually truly be able to experience joy and real happiness. If we wander around telling ourselves to be happy, we are not opening ourselves up to be able to know what real and perfect happiness is. 

In the movie, Joy, one of the feelings, is like the world, in that she believes that Sadness is worthless. She can't do anything right, just gets in the way and ruins everything. Joy often puts Sadness in the corner or her own circle, so that she doesn't touch anything or get in the way of Joy trying to work. If Joy had her way, Sadness would probably be sent away, because in her mind, Sadness is not needed at all. However, as the movie progresses and Joy goes through trial after trail with no one but Sadness by her side, she slowly comes to realize the truth. Sadness is extremely important. Not to ruin the movie, but in the end, Sadness is actually the one who saves the day, and Joy learns that, when they work together, they can create beautiful things and solve any problem. 

We need sadness. 

Now, don't get me wrong. We ought not dwell on sadness. But, I am saying that it's okay to be sad. There isn't anything wrong with it. Be sad. When that cute guy/ girl rejects you, be sad. When you bomb a test, be sad. When you take a trip down memory lane, it's okay to be sad. Just don't stay sad. Be sad for awhile, then, pick yourself back up and go experience joy. Do something that makes you happy.  Allow yourself to cry for a minute, then wipe those tears off that beautiful face of yours, pick your sword back up, and keep fighting! 

H is for Happiness!

Looking on any social media site, and 8 out of 10 posts are complaints. (According to a study I totally just made up to make a point.)

Turn on the news and all you hear are stories of people doing wrong. I can't remember the last time I saw something good on the news. 

So, in order to bring a little bit more happiness and joy into everyone's life, I decided to make a list. A "Happiness Is" list. This is just a silly little list, and it really is only from my point of view, but maybe you can find something on this list that makes you happy as well. I really just want you to see that even though life gets hard, and sometimes it really sucks, there can be moments of happiness found everywhere, if you only stop to see them. 

Well, here it is. 

Happiness is- According to Nicole

Happiness is: seeing elephants-playing in the rain- swimming- laughing until you cry- eating delicious food- watching a good movie- watching a horrible movie (with the right people)- snuggling- holding hands- forehead kisses- eating brownies from a pan- the cold side of the pillow- looking at the stars- bonfires with friends- hugs from children- drawings from children- a child telling you a funny story- long talks on the phone with your mom- dancing- family visits- tickle fights- nose kisses- first kisses- holding pinkies- staying in bed all day- warm blankets on cold nights- someone holding your hand while you when you get sick- children's books- compliments- hugs from behind- hugs from mom and dad- someone understanding your crazy and still loving you- hot tubs- baking- cooking- zamboni rides- french fries- midnight talks with friends- dirty diet cokes- photography- hiking- singing- singing badly- 1000 blank white cards- holding a baby- making up a secret language with your niece(even though she isn't even 1 yet...)- going to the movies with grandma- footie pjs- friends who wear footie pjs with you- hugs- kisses from babies- listening to music- rollerblading- new clothes- books- strawberries- back massages- long drives- road trips- traditions- the moment right before you fall asleep- flowers- new pens- new notebooks- adventures- sunshine- fuzzy blankets- birthday dances- new pillows- surprise texts- zombie tag- new friends- swimming pools- the smell of sunscreen- pineapple- finding that song that perfectly explains how you feel- pizza-  playing with a puppy- doing the wobble- running- being underwater- shopping with your best friends- zumba- nicknames- orange juice- story time- days off work- roller-coaster rides- someone understanding you just need to cry it out- getting mail- making doughnuts- new shampoo- new razors- silly date nights- scary movie date nights- sitting on the roof- laying in a hammock.

Happiness is Life in general. Look for it. Embrace it. Love it. 

G is for Good Job!

Everyone wants praise. That's just the world we live in.
It's nice to know when we are doing something right, or that we are doing a good job.


However, we are starting to become a praise driven society. I know many people who don't do something unless they know they are going to be praised. I know people who actively search for praise. People who fish for compliments. How did we come to this? Can we really not just live quietly, going about our lives, doing good, just for the simpleness of doing good? Must we always be placed on a pedestal?

We are currently living in a world where because of this, children now depend on praise in order to feel validated. Children are given trophies just for participating, even if they never got off the bench.

Praise has also wormed its way into becoming a huge player in the classroom. As a future teacher, I have spent quite a lot of time inside real classrooms watching and observing. I have been around really amazing teachers and some really not amazing teachers. Each teacher had her own way of using praise within the classroom, but, more often than not, they all used the blanket "Good Job", or "You're so smart!"when talking to their students. In one day, I heard the phrase "Good Job" over 35 times. That was it though. Just "Good Job." There was no originality, nothing specific or personal about the praise.

Now, I'm not saying that praise is bad, and that we shouldn't be praising our students and children. No, children need praise, especially when they are young and still developing. But there is a better way to go about praising our children.

Recently, there have been a number of studies done about praise and intelligence. In one study, children were divided into two groups and given the same puzzle to solve. The puzzle was easy enough that all students were able to solve it, but each group was given a different type of praise. The first group was given the blanket "Good job! You are so smart!" phrases. Group two on the other hand was told things like they did a great job coming up with different ways to solve the puzzle, that they were hard workers, and that they didn't give up. Later, the children were presented with the option to complete the same puzzle, or try one that was more challenging. Group two, the ones who were told were hard workers and creatives, opted to try and solve the harder puzzle, while the children in the first group chose to do the same puzzle again.

Why is this?

Because, when we give general praise, tell children they are smart, we limit their intelligence and hinder their creative problem solving abilities. The children in the first group knew that they were smart with the first puzzle, but the fear of the unknown, the harder puzzle, kept them from even trying. What if they were not smart when it came to something more challenging? They wanted to remain "smart" and so they stayed at the same level and refused to even try. Along with this, while  group two learned that they were hard workers, and could work independently without needing to be praised at every task completed, the children in the first group became dependent on that praise. They needed to be told that they were doing a good job with every step of the process that they completed.

Praise is a good thing. I fully intend to praise my students for their outstanding accomplishments. But, I will also teach my students that they do not always need that extrinsic motivation. One teacher I had the  privilege of working with was a master of this.  Not only did she use specific, child process  praise, but she also turned it back onto them, reminding them of how good it felt to have all their work completed and turned in on time, how good it felt to have studied and gotten good grades on tests, how good it felt to be on their best behavior and not being in trouble all the time. Slowly, as the year progressed, the children no longer came up to show her every single assignment, no longer were they calling attention to any tiny behavior or good choice that they made. Praise was still handed out in the classroom, but it actually meant something to the children.


So, next time you are with a child, and they do something good or amazing, praise them. But be specific. When they show you a drawing, ask them about it, and then use that to give them praise. Tell them you like how they completed something. Next time they tell you a story, tell them you are proud of the choices they made, and explain to them why. Don't you dare say "Good Job" and walk away. Don't you dare tell them they are smart without explaining why. Encourge their creativity, don't hinder it.

F is for Falling

Although hardly ever by choice, I spend a lot of time on the ground. I'm a really clumsy person, and that tends to lead to me falling down a lot. Like, more than normal people. I fall all the time, literally and figuratively. I can't begin to count the times that I have fallen, whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically. 

However, during my time spent on the ground, I have come to look at things through a different perspective. Everything seems different when you are laying on the ground. Being on the ground allows me time to sit back and look at my life and my actions from afar. From the ground, I can more clearly see what is really happening, and then make better judgments based on my new perspective. 

There is a line from one of my favorite movies that has always stuck out to me, and has stuck with me throughout my life. In the beginning of the Batman series, Bruce falls down an abandoned well on his parents estate while playing with his childhood friend. After some time, his father rescues him, and asks him a very important question. He asks, " Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." 

Although only a short moment in the film, this line teaches us two important lesson. Not only should we pick ourselves back up after we have fallen, but we must also learn how. It may be different every time, but at some point, we learn how to best pick ourselves off the floor, dust ourselves off, and continue going. 

Just because we have picked ourselves up, doesn't mean that everything will be easy and simple again. I can not tell you how many times I have picked myself up, only to run full speed into another wall, slam into it, and fall back down. It may take awhile. Sometimes I like to stay on the floor and sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it to get back up, but I always get up. I always get up, and start running. 

So, fall. Fall a lot. Falling isn't a bad thing. Just get back up. 

E is For Elephants

E is for Elephants.

Of course it is. If you even entertained the slightest thought that I would write about something other than elephants, you should be ashamed of yourself. Clearly, you don’t know me as well as you think you do.

For those of you who really don’t know me that well, let me begin this post by saying that I love elephants. With a passion. I can’t get enough of them. When I see something that has an elephant on it, I will typically buy it. People now buy me things simply because it has an elephant on it. (Makes buying gifts for me so much easier I think.) I have so many elephants in my life. From sweatshirts, to rings, to bracelets, rings, necklaces, blankets, shirts, scarfs, piggy banks, statues, and stuffed elephants, elephants pretty much consume my life.

I don’t know why I like elephants so much. I don’t have the words to describe the feeling that I get when I see one. The joy is so intense that it very often brings tears to my eyes. If I ever got to touch one, we all know I would end up balling my eyes out from excitement. When I am stressed, elephants bring me peace, and when I am upset, they provide the comfort I so desperately need.

Now, while I love elephants, this post is actually not me trying to convince you to fall in love with them either. Rather, it is to convince you to find something for yourself that is to me what elephants are to me. Everyone needs something, anything good, that they can turn to no matter the situation. Something that brings them pure joy, just by looking at it. Something that can bring comfort where others have failed. I’m not advocating that you do something bad or look at things you’ll regret later in life for a moment of fleeting joy, instead I’m telling you to find your elephants. Find that one thing that speaks to you, and then, make it yours. 

D is for Don't Date Douchebags

The title pretty much say's it all. Don't do it.


This one applies to both genders, cause ladies, let's be honest here, we can be douchebags too. It's a fact of life.

Need some examples? Don't worry little ones, I got this one covered.

If they don't want anyone to know that you are dating and climb out a window in your apartment so your room mates don't see them, you might not want to date them.

If they don't want anyone to know you are dating at all, you might not want to date them.

If they get upset every time you want to go do something with your room mates, you might not want to date them.

If they don't believe that you really are only having a girls night with your room mates, you might not want to date them.

If they only want to make out you, you might not want to date them.

If they get to text ex girlfriends/boyfriends, but get upset when you glance at member of the opposite gender, you probably shouldn't date them.

If they refuse to meet your family after dating for awhile, you probably shouldn't be dating them.

If they make fun of your beliefs, break up with them.

Now, I get it, sometimes it's hard to tell if a person is a douchebag right off the bat. Sometimes it takes awhile for these things to surface. But, once they do, RUN.

I get it. Dating is hard. Especially now. They don't always have to text you first. They don't have to want to hang out with you all the time. But everyone deserves someone who is going to treat them right. If they can't respect you or if they treat you like dirt, don't waste your time on them. It doesn't matter how cute they are, or how wonderful you have built them up in your mind to be. It's not worth the inevitable pain that will come.

C is for Country Music

This semester is packed full of methods courses, such as teaching math, teaching social studies, teaching reading, and teaching writing-to name a few. In my writing class, our teacher firmly believes that of we are going to be effective writing teachers, then we have to be writers ourselves. Because of this, we have a short quick write every class, where she poses a question or the beginning of a sentence and we respond. I thought I would use this post to show off some of my favorite responses. 

This first one was a descriptive writing that Rachel, Kayla and I did about a parade. We were given the word parade and were told to come up with various descriptive words that we could use to describe the parade without actually saying parade, and then we were told to write a story about it. This is what we came up with-

"During the hot summer, the whole town gathers on the cool grass to watch the glimmering instruments as they move in unison down the center lane. Amid the shouting and cheering, the sirens begin leading the slow procession through the city. As the colorful floats, glittering in the sunlight pass by, tired parents watch their laughing children greedily snatch up the sweets thrown on the rough pavement. Large hands lead sticky fingers away from the smells of the wet pavement and the musky crowds."

That day we also came up with things like " A damp towel is a useless as soggy bread," and "A damp towel feels like wet socks after a jog through the woods, the woods, oh the woods."

One of my favorite things that I have written in this class (the one that bring it back to the letter C) is this one. The prompt we were given was "If my life was a song it would be..." This is what I came up with. 

"If my life was a song it would be a country song. It would be one that would make you want to dance. Full of happy times to make you giggle and sad times to make you quiet, my song would be one that would make you look back longingly to the past, while still allowing you to look forward to the future with hope."

So, if your life was a song- what would your song be?

B is for Beautiful. You are Beautiful.

This post is written specifically for my little sister. As the oldest girl in my family,  my goal as my sister grows up is to be the older sister to her that I wish I had growing up, the one who was supposed to tell me all of these things.

However, the things that I will be writing about in this installment can apply to everyone- even boys!

A few years ago I took a family finance class here at Utah State. While in the class one of our assignments was to figure out our net worth. For those of you who don’t know how to find your net worth, in simple terms, you take everything you own and add up how much that is worth, then subtract all the debts you have and wham! That’s how much money you are worth.

As a poor college student, sitting down to do the assignment proved to be discouraging and upsetting. The most expensive thing that I owned was my camera, and possibly my laptop. I had a $200 championship water polo ring, but other than that, I didn’t have anything of value. Those few hundred dollars didn’t even begin to make a dent in the student loans I was currently racking up. Suddenly, I was worth nothing.  As a woman, I had grown up with media shoving their idea of a worth while woman in my face constantly, and according to my net worth, I didn’t measure up.

This assignment made me start to think about the idea of self-worth and body image. Why is it we tell the girls who have the expensive haircuts and designer jeans that they are the important ones? That they are the ones who have the most worth? How is this supposed to make the girl sitting in the corner in with the supercuts haircut and $10 walmart jeans? Is she not important? Does she not matter? Is she not beautiful as well?

Sydney, (and all of the rest of you reading this) YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

As a daughter of God, a princess of the most royal king, created in His image, there is no way that you can not be beautiful. President Utchdorf has given numerous talks on this subject. One of his most famous, the one about the Forget-Me-Not, although aimed at Relief Society sisters, has important applications for every woman (and man, of course) no matter their age. Heavenly Father loves you. He is always aware of you, of your hopes and desires, of your sorrows and trials. He does not look to earthly things to determine your worth, but rather, He looks inside of you.

Recently, President Utchdorf gave another talk, this time in the General women’s session of the October 2014 conference. While his talk was focused on living the gospel joyfully, he did say this- “Do you suppose it matters to our Heavenly Father whether your makeup, clothes, hair, and nails are perfect? Do you think your value to Him changes based on how many followers you have on Instagram or Pinterest? Do you think He wants you to worry or get depressed if some un-friend or un-follow you on Facebook or Twitter? Do you think outward attractiveness, your dress size, or popularity make the slightest difference in your worth to the One who created the universe?” None of that matters to Him. It doesn't matter if you carry hundred dollar purses, or if you wear sweatpants all day. 

Because you are a child of the most high God, you are infinitely precious in His sight.

And, you are beautiful.  Don’t any of you ever forget that. 

A is for Always.

Always. 

Snape said it. Whitney Houston sang about it.  Everyone is searching for it.

Talking to people is always so fascinating. No matter what you talk about, no matter who you talk to, there is always the underlying theme of forever and always. They may be talking about love. They might not be. You could be talking to a completely random stranger about their likes, their dislikes, but it's always there. It's clear that everyone is searching for something that will last forever, something that will always be there.

How interesting do you think it would be for many people to learn that they already have something that will always be there. Something, that no matter what they do, will always be there. No matter how many mistakes they make, how many times they try and fail, will always be there?

Always.
That's the promise our Heavenly Father gives us for His love. Always. And yet, we are often slow to believe this. I have often wondered why this is. If we are all searching for our always, why would we not believe that our Heavenly Father would always love us? How powerful the grasp of Satan, to make us believe that we have sinned more than our Father's perfect love can forgive.

The scriptures are full of examples of our Father's unfailing love. The parable in Matthew of the prodigal son is an amazing example. My most favorite and the one that really drives home this point in my own life, is the story of Alma the Younger. After all he had done, all the sins he committed, our Father in Heaven STILL loved him. In Mosiah we read that because of his sins, Alma was wracked with the pains of his sins, he sorrowed so much that he wished he could die, that he could be banished from the presence of the Father, and yet, even still, the Father always loved him. He never stopped. Finally, after having repented of his sins, Alma was filled with immense joy, that he remembered them no more and was filled with a marvelous light. (see Mosiah 36)

How comforting this passage has been in my own life. There have been times when I have sinned and have allowed the devil to drag me down into that awful hell, full of grief and pain. There have been many times that I have cried out in pain, believing that the Father has forgotten me, that there was no possible way that He could ever love me again.

Oh, how wrong I have been, The Father has always been there. He has always loved me.

We do have our part to do though. We must not run through this life thinking that it is okay to do whatever, because the Lord will always love us. While the knowledge that the Father will always love me is what brings me peace and allows me to start each new day with a hope for the future, I must do my part and repent of all of my wrong doings. And while that is not always easy, it must be done. It is the knowledge that there is nothing I can do, no level I can sink to, that the infinite light of the Savior and his atonement can not find me, can not reach me.

In April of 2012, Elder Jeffery R. Holland gave a talk entitled "The Laborers in the Vineyard". This talk entered into my life at the exact moment that I was struggling with this concept the most, further proving that the Father is ever mindful of me. I had not told anyone of my struggles, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I had not prayed about them wither, and yet, this talk came at a critical and important time.

This is only a small, simple part of his talk, given at the very end, and yet, to me, it is the most important part of the entire talk. I'll let Elder Holland do the talking, because he can say things in ways that my simple words could never begin to do justice.



Always.

Coming Soon!!

I am so excited for this announcement. 

For Christmas, a very good friend gave me a book called K Is For Knifeball. If you haven't read this book, and are not easily offended, you NEED to read this. I laughed so hard I almost cried. For those of you who do get easily offended or for whatever reason do not read, basically this book goes through the entire alphabet giving horrible advice for each letter. It's hilarious. 

After reading this particular book to another friend, she suggested that I make my own. I really liked that idea and immediately set to work creating my own alphabet. Although this project started out simply, and as one liners, I have tweaked it, as an attempt to challenge myself as a writer, into what it is today. 

And so, I give you the Alphabet According to Nicole. 

Basically, every week (hopefully) I will write a post that has to do with each letter, starting with A. Some of these posts will be funny, some will make you cry. Some will be gospel oriented, while others will be about schools and teaching. Every post will be different. You may love some, and hate others, but each week there will be something new. 

So, sit back and enjoy the ride. It's going to be good.   

Let It Go. Please.

As a hotel housekeeper, I have ample time to listen to music. Working four days a week adds up to a lot of time to waste listening to all kinds of music. 

Recently, I have been listening to the Frozen soundtrack (don't judge. I freaking love that movie) Anyway, I remember back when the film first came out, there were many mommy bloggers ranting about Frozen and specifically the song Let It Go. One blog stated that she would not allow her daughters to watch the movie anymore because Let It Go teaches her daughters to let go of the rules and not worry about what's right or wrong. Many other blogs have complained that the song is actually a way for Disney to promote a gay or homosexual agenda. 

With all this negativity swirling around, I thought I might add my own two cents, my positive two cents. Take it as you will, this is just my opinion. 

First. 

      If you forbid your children from watching Frozen simply because of one song, you clearly didn't pay attention to the movie. Yes, Elsa sings about finally letting go, pushing off the pressures and not worrying about what is right or wrong. Yes, she decides to make decisions based solely on how she feels, what feels right to her. And yes, I agree, at the time it seems like Elsa is having the time of her life. She makes her own rules, her own ice palace, even makes a fabulous new dress. All based on what she thinks that she hasn't been allowed to do while living in the palace. So I understand why some parents may not want their children to follow this example. However, I suggest that you continue to watch the movie, because an important lesson is taught further down the line. 

       While Elsa is off by herself making her own choices, not worrying about what effects her actions have on others, others are suffering because of her actions. Children should be taught that every action has consequences, good or bad, and that sometimes, they are not the only ones that have to feel the effect that come from those actions. 

      Ultimately, Elsa learns that her actions have effects on people besides herself, and she realizes that that sometimes, rules and guidelines are there to help and protect us. Although throwing away the rules and only acting on your own impulses may seem to be exciting and so fun in the beginning, eventually that novelty wears off. Reality always catches up and like Elsa, you will once again be confronted with those rules and fears again. What are you going to do? Keep running forever? What kind of life would you have? Sure, it took a drastic act of freezing her sister, but Elsa learns it in that moment. 

Second. 

     Now, this may be slightly controversial and some people may be upset with what I have to say. But I feel like I need to say it. However, I would like to begin by letting you all know that I LOVE the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love being a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I fully understand that the commandments given are not given restrict us or our agency, but that they are put into place as protections, that when we keep and live the commandments that we will be happy and joyful. That said, I believe that sometimes we don't necessarily teach our children this fact and we can, as a church, only focus on the negative, what will happen if we don't keep the commandments and simply gloss over the fact that they bring joy to our lives. Because of this, I know many youth who feel so much pressure to be perfect and get stressed and depressed when they cannot fully live up to these expectations. 

How awful!

Sticking with the Frozen theme, in the song Let It Go, the very one that's under fire, Elsa sings about how she was always told to be a good perfect girl, and how since she is letting go, that perfect girl is gone. She then goes on to sing 

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!

      I believe that we can learn a lesson from this. Instead of beating our children down with the negative, we need to teach them that our church is a church filled with non perfect people, and THAT IS OKAY. That's how its supposed to be! We are not supposed to be perfect, we are here to make mistakes and learn from them. And believe me. I have made some of the stupidest mistakes ever. Many of the mistakes that I have made I wish I could go back in time and not do. But that's where the repentance process comes in. 

    So we need to teach our children that it's okay to make mistakes. That its okay not to be perfect. Teach them that it's okay to Let It Go. That sometimes they need to. Perfect people don't exist. Let them go out in the world, where the storm is constantly raging, and let them make their own mistakes and decisions. 

Just Let The Stars Guide You

I like to look at stars. A lot. I will honestly stay up for hours just looking up at the stars. I actually just had a friend ask me why I always wanted to go stargazing, and this was my response. It may seem silly, but stars actually play a really big and important role in my life. Let me explain.

Now, for those of you who are actually reading this, I don't know how you feel about God, if you believe in one or not, and I don't want to use this post to force anything on you, just read. 

Growing up, I was always taught that I was a daughter of God, a Heavenly Father who loved me more than my mortal understanding could ever come to grasp. While I know this to be true, occasionally, life throws dark storm clouds across our skies and sometimes it can be hard to remember just how much Heavenly Father loves us. Sometimes, when life gets hard, its easy to forget how important we really are. 

That's where stars come into play for me. The reason that I like to look at stars is because they remind me of how special I am. When I look at them, I am reminded that out of all of his vast and innumerable creations, I am important to him. Heavenly Father knows me my name, He knows my hopes and dreams, and He knows best how to comfort me. He knows when I have reached my breaking point and He knows exactly when to send me help. I like to look at the stars because it comforts me to know that not only does He know how many stars there are in the heavens, but He also knows who I am, and He loves me so much, I am so important to Him, and that He will NEVER forget me. 

 During one particularly hard time in my life, I had lost sight of how special and precious I really was. Using one of his best tactics, Satan had lead me to believe that I wasn't anything important and my problems didn't matter. Why, compared to the entire world, and everyone in it, my problems didn't even amount to a speck of dust. So I went for a walk one night, just trying to find some peace anywhere, from anything. I remember that it was a cloudy night, and I was really upset that I couldn't see the stars. I felt like if I could just see one star, that for some reason, that would mean that Heavenly Father really did love me, and that things would be okay. I walked and walked, but there weren't any stars. Frustrated, I decided to return home, and as I reached my door, I turned around one more time, and to my surprise, the clouds were completely gone, and the night sky was lit up with the most beautiful stars. 

Even now, no matter what happens, whenever I am feeling small and unimportant, when the world has pushed me to believe that I don't matter, I turn my eyes toward the heavens, and without fail, no matter how cloudy or stormy it is, Heavenly Father always shows me His stars. Even if it is one tiny star peeking out through the angry storm clouds, there is always one there, and I am always reminded of just how much He loves me. 

I, Pencil

Man. I wish that I actually had time to write this post awhile ago. I have actually had this one planned for ages, it just seems that NOW is the first time that I actually have the time to sit down and write it out.

So, let’s begin.

A while ago now, for FHE in my singles ward here on campus, we had a mini MTC (missionary training center). TO be completely honest, I wasn’t really excited to go, I am not planning on going on a mission any time soon (although, who knows. That can change at any moment) and it didn’t really sound like a super fun activity. However, I knew there was going to be a cute boy there, and my room mate wanted to go.

Thank Goodness for her. She has dragged me along to so many activities that I did not want to go to, and surprise, surprise, I always learned something that I needed to know at that point in my life. Without fail.

Anyways. The focus throughout the night was on member missionary work. We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘Every Member A Missionary’. Now, I don’t know about you, but that sometimes scares the crap out of me. I always get so…apprehensive when it comes to doing missionary work, simply because I have absolutely no idea where to start. It’s not like I don’t have any nonmember friends, growing up in California, having member friends was an oddity. But whenever I think of missionary work, I always get the picture in my head of the suit and tag. And that freaks me out.

During the course of the night, one of the guys who was teaching, handed each of us a pencil. With the pencil came this statement “Not one person in the entire world knows how to make a pencil.” Yet here it was in my hand. I was holding a pencil. How was this true?

Well, I knew the answer right away. In fact, I immediately turned to my room mate and told her that not one person knew how to make a pencil, because it takes multiple people to make a pencil. I don’t know the specifics, but I figure that it takes one person to cut the wood, one to make the graphite, one to make the eraser, one to put it all together, etc.

I was correct. The teacher then went on to show us an essay written, entitled I, Pencil. If you have a chance, go read the whole thing. It has some interesting points.

Simple? Yet, not a single person on the face of this earth knows how to make me. This sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Especially when it is realized that there are about one and one-half billion of my kind produced in the U.S.A. each year.

Pick me up and look me over. What do you see? Not much meets the eye—there's some wood, lacquer, the printed labeling, graphite lead, a bit of metal, and an eraser.

The essay then goes on to talk about how millions of people have played a part in the creation of the pencil, even though many have no idea that they had any contribution at all.

So, you are most likely sitting there reading this thinking to yourself, ‘That’s nice Nicole. But I thought this was about missionary work. What does a pencil have to do with missionary work?’

Well let me tell you.

Often, I think that many of us are guilty of not doing any missionary work because we are afraid, we get overwhelmed. After all, we are only one person. What can one person possibly do?

That was exactly my fears about missionary work. But one of the major things that I learned from this lesson is that there is not one single person who is responsible for missionary work. Again, let me explain.

No matter how amazing of a person you are, no matter how righteous or spiritual you are, you alone will not convert anyone. Often, the person who is being converted to this wonderful gospel has been becoming prepared for a long time. Through small and seemingly insignificant events in their lives, they have been prepped to receive the gospel.

With this in mind, I have begun to look at doing member missionary work differently. I always used to get so scared because I thought that when I did missionary work, it was all me, that if I messed up in any way, that I would have ruined their chances for eternal happiness. However, I can now see things in a different light, that I alone am not going to convince this person to join the Church. Sure, I play a part, and although that part may be small, it is really important.

Next time  you are feeling down on yourself for not doing ‘missionary work’, just remember, not one person knows how to make a pencil. It takes all of us. 

Taking A Little Liberty...

So, the other day in Relief Society, we were talking about how amazing it is that we have living Prophets and Apostle’s that give us guidance that is specifically meant for us, for this exact time on earth. And that is simply astounding. I love it.

 The lovely sister teaching the lesson had us do an activity where she handed each woman a small piece of paper, where we wrote on them things that we were currently struggling with and needed answers to. She then collected them, mixed them all up, and handed each woman a new paper. She had us all pull out our phones and had each of us look up an answer to the dilemma that the other sister had written down, based on council given by our leaders. Except for the fact that we ran out of time, she was then going to collect them back and read a few of them.

The one that I got to find an answer to was ‘caring for myself as much as others”

Now, I KNOW there have been talks about this. I know that somewhere, someone has even mentioned it. But, for some reason, I could not find a single thing. Maybe I wasn’t looking in the right spot, using the right phrases, I don’t know. Anyway. I decided, since I didn’t want anyone’s problem to get left unanswered, that I would take some creative liberty and answer her the best that I knew how.

I only had a few seconds, so I jotted down the first thing that popped into my head, and I really think and hope that this was inspired. This is what I wrote to that sister:

Often, when we love others, we are looking at them through spiritual eyes. We can see them how our Heavenly father sees them, as amazing, wonderful, beautiful children of Heavenly Father. We ought to take the time, to then look inward with these same eyes, because if we did, we would see that we too are so important and beautiful and we have all the potential in the world.

I hope she gets to read that. And I really hope it helps. 

Blank Pieces of Paper

I'm going to be a teacher. Surprise!

 Just kidding, you all already knew that. Anyways, this past weekend, I had the opportunity to go to an Early Childhood Conference and take some of the classes there. It was a really awesome experience, I learned a lot, and I even got to learn how to paint! But there was one thing that I learned at this conference that really got me thinking.

            In one of my classes, the presenter handed each of us a blank piece of paper. That's it. No pencils, no crayons, just that one piece of paper. Then he started talking. And he talked about sometimes, there will be children who walk into our classrooms who are wearing the same clothes as they did the day before, kids who haven't brushed their teeth or combed their hair. And lots of people will look at these children and groan, and tell you not to try to hard with that kid, because they are not going to amount to much, if anything. The presenter went on to talk about how we need to see all of our children as blank pieces of paper. He then told us this story, that really defined what a teacher does. It's a little strange, but bear with me, it all makes sense in the end. He told us that he had the blank paper, and as he was holding, it talked to him and said “Teacher, I want to be a singer. My dream is to sing!” And he looked at this paper and thought well that is silly, you are a paper, there is no way you can sing! You don't even have a mouth! And then he began to think, because he really wanted to help, but it really wasn't possible. And then he came up with a solution. And he picked up that piece of paper and said “If you will trust me, I will mold you into something so great and wonderful, something so much better than you ever dreamed possible. But, you have to trust me.” And the paper said that he trusted the teacher, and so the teacher began to fold and bend the paper, and he made him into a baton. And when he was done, he said, “There! You do not have a mouth, so you can not sing, but I have made you into the most beautiful baton and you will lead the most amazing choir. Would you like that?” And the paper began to cry, because he was so happy, and even though his dream hadn't come true as he had expected it to, he was still able to create beautiful music.

            That really stood out to me, because that is exactly what we as teachers need to be doing. We need to be able to see every single student that we ever come in contact with as that blank piece of paper and really think of all the potential that everyone has. You never really know what exactly someone is capable of achieving, maybe that kid in your class who wears the same clothes everyday is going to grow up to be the next president. Wouldn't you treat that child differently if you knew that? We can't see the future, and so we need to do everything that we can in order to provide a good foundation for them to build upon.

             Now, some of you may be thinking “This is a good story and all, but Nicole, I am not going to be a teacher, this doesn't apply to me...” Oh don't think that! Because this can be shaped into a very valuable lesson for every single person. Just you wait.

             There have been many General Authority’s that have given talks about how with every person that we see, we ought to picture them in white, and to picture them as divine beings, as some of the most precious sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. That's exactly where the story of blank pieces of paper comes into play. Can you all just take a minute, close your eyes and picture what it would be like to see people as blank paper, with all the potential in the world? How would you treat people when you realize that there is no limit to the things that they can achieve, to the greatness that they could become?

I actually had an experience similar to this a few weeks ago in the Logan Temple. My room mates and I had planned to go to the Temple together and so one morning, we all woke up early and went to go do baptisms. Now, if you know me, you know that I am not a morning person, and I was so tired that I didn't bother putting my contacts in, I decided to just wear my glasses. However, I didn't want to deal with them while in the Temple, so I left them in my locker in my purse. I am not blind, but I definitively need my glasses or contacts. I can see colors and general shapes, but other than that, I have no idea. Anyways, I was walking around the Temple semi-blind, and I realized that I could suddenly see people the way our Savior sees us. I could tell that there were people all around me, the Temple was actually super crowded that morning, and I could see that everyone around me was dressed completely in white, but that was all my earthly eyes could see. I realized as I was looking around, that I couldn't tell who was 'pretty', who had more talents than I did, who had more money that I did. In those moment, we were all equal, all special children of a Heavenly Father who loves all of us more than anything I could ever dream of. And suddenly, my spiritual eyes were opened, and I felt this intense love for every single person who was there with me that day. I didn't know who had blue eye, who had acne scars, all I knew was that every single one of us had the potential to achieve a greatness so much better than we could ever dream of.

         Since this, I have been trying to continue to look at people through my spiritual eyes, to see them as our Heavenly Father does. I am not saying I am perfect at this, cause it is still really hard to do sometimes. But, I have noticed that when I take the time to see people as blank pieces of potential, not only am I able to understand them, I am slower to anger and annoyance, and I am able to love them. Love a complete stranger! When I am able to see people as the Savior sees them, they become wonderful and special to me. And like the teacher with the paper, I want to do all that I can in order to help them achieve their greatest potential, even if I can only play a tiny role in that.  

Am I Simply A Cottage?

The timing of Heavenly Father always seems to surprise me. You think that after all the numerous lessons that he has given me, I would finally understand, and yet, here I am.

Anyways. I was going to write this blog post awhile ago. But every time that I sat down to write it, something stopped  me. Looking back, I couldn't figure out why, but now, now I can see why I wasn't supposed to write this post until now. There were a few things that I needed to understand first. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, life was... well hard. I had little motivation to go to class, to eat, to do anything really. And while I was in this funk, all I was thinking about was myself. For weeks, I had my own private pity party where awful thoughts about myself were allowed to run rampant though out my head. Some of these awful things were things like 

I'm not good enough. 

I'll never be able to get any of my work done.

No one wants to hang out with you, you are not fun. 

No one wants to date you, you are not good enough. 

Why bother? 

No one will miss you if you don't go. 

Why try anymore?

Wow. Looking back at that really scares me. Satan had a really strong grasp on me and I never told anyone. I don't like sharing my feelings with people because I fear that they will take them as weaknesses and will then use them against me. 

I was going to end this blog post by simply stating that I finally shook Satan's hold off of me, that I finally came to the realization that it didn't matter if no one wanted to be my friend, because the whole time, I had the very BEST friend in the entire world, and I was ignoring Him. But He never once ignored me. On the hardest days, the days where I thought I was all alone, He was right there beside me, walking with me. On the days where I doubted my strength to even make it through the day, He was always there holding me up. He was ALWAYS there. And it didn't matter if I thought that no one cared about me, or thought I was good enough, because He thinks that I am pretty awesome. I am a child of God, a God who loves me no matter what stupid mistake I make that day. A God who loves me even when it seems like no one cares. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that. 

Like I said, that was going to be my whole post. And I think that it would have been okay. I learned what I needed to learn. At least I thought I had. Heavenly Father had other plans. So, I went to institute wondering why I wasn't able to write this post. And that night in institute, Heavenly Father taught me something so beautiful and wonderful, there was no way that this post could have happened without including this lesson. 

In institute, one student brought up a story by C.S. Lewis about the cottage. If you haven't read that story, you MUST. It's like the story about the gardener that I wrote about awhile back. It really gives you a different perspective on the trials that we go through. 

In the story, C.S. Lewis asks us to imagine that we are a living house. When we invite Christ into our lives, He comes into our houses to fix us, and to make changes. In the beginning you think that he is replacing the drains, painting the walls, or stopping the leaks in the roof. And then we realize that He is doing so much more. Instead of making simple repairs and leaving us mostly how we were, He is instead ripping out the walls, tearing down our foundations and knocking you down in a way that you never expected. And we sit there and cry "Why? Why are you doing this? This hurts and I don't know how much longer I can take this. I am only a simply cottage, why are you doing hurting me?" C.S. Lewis goes on to say that when He is done, we turn around and realize that He has completely rebuilt us, that where we thought we were a simple cottage, too lowly to take much notice of, He has instead built us into a most glorious and beautiful palace. 

Heavenly Father can see the potential in us, even when we have no idea. He sees the palace where we see the cottage. He knows the potential that we have, even when we think we have none. I remember writing in that class that allowing this to happen can hurt, and it often does. But don't you think that it's worth it? Don't you think that after you go through all that pain, when He is finished and  you have become that glorious palace that He always knew you were, would you not look back on all that pain and realize that you could not have become this way without it? Will you not fall upon your knees and crying, thank the Lord for hurting you? So, I will welcome this pain and loneliness into my life. I will accept every heart break and sadness and I will be thankful for every time MY plans and dreams are smashed to bit. I will be thankful for every road block that I slam full speed into, and know that it is all part of the plan. When I am crying out in agony to my Heavenly Father, I must remember that He has a plan for me, one that is SO much better than anything that I could possibly ever dream of for myself. He is ripping my walls down, and slowly building me up into the most beautiful palace. 

 After this, I noticed my life greatly improve. Things got so good, so fast. To be completely honest, I thought I was almost done. I thought that I was so close to being that beautiful building. And then, things fell apart again. And it really hurt. It came out of no where and I was completely blindsided. However, this time, I have been able to stay strong, and remember that this will all be worth it in the end. I may not understand why I have to suffer now, but I KNOW that this is all for me. I know that it pains Heavenly Father to see me crying and so upset, but I also know that He loves me so much and He wouldn't give me anything that He knew I couldn't handle .

I can't see it now, but it will all be worth it.