H is for Happiness!

Looking on any social media site, and 8 out of 10 posts are complaints. (According to a study I totally just made up to make a point.)

Turn on the news and all you hear are stories of people doing wrong. I can't remember the last time I saw something good on the news. 

So, in order to bring a little bit more happiness and joy into everyone's life, I decided to make a list. A "Happiness Is" list. This is just a silly little list, and it really is only from my point of view, but maybe you can find something on this list that makes you happy as well. I really just want you to see that even though life gets hard, and sometimes it really sucks, there can be moments of happiness found everywhere, if you only stop to see them. 

Well, here it is. 

Happiness is- According to Nicole

Happiness is: seeing elephants-playing in the rain- swimming- laughing until you cry- eating delicious food- watching a good movie- watching a horrible movie (with the right people)- snuggling- holding hands- forehead kisses- eating brownies from a pan- the cold side of the pillow- looking at the stars- bonfires with friends- hugs from children- drawings from children- a child telling you a funny story- long talks on the phone with your mom- dancing- family visits- tickle fights- nose kisses- first kisses- holding pinkies- staying in bed all day- warm blankets on cold nights- someone holding your hand while you when you get sick- children's books- compliments- hugs from behind- hugs from mom and dad- someone understanding your crazy and still loving you- hot tubs- baking- cooking- zamboni rides- french fries- midnight talks with friends- dirty diet cokes- photography- hiking- singing- singing badly- 1000 blank white cards- holding a baby- making up a secret language with your niece(even though she isn't even 1 yet...)- going to the movies with grandma- footie pjs- friends who wear footie pjs with you- hugs- kisses from babies- listening to music- rollerblading- new clothes- books- strawberries- back massages- long drives- road trips- traditions- the moment right before you fall asleep- flowers- new pens- new notebooks- adventures- sunshine- fuzzy blankets- birthday dances- new pillows- surprise texts- zombie tag- new friends- swimming pools- the smell of sunscreen- pineapple- finding that song that perfectly explains how you feel- pizza-  playing with a puppy- doing the wobble- running- being underwater- shopping with your best friends- zumba- nicknames- orange juice- story time- days off work- roller-coaster rides- someone understanding you just need to cry it out- getting mail- making doughnuts- new shampoo- new razors- silly date nights- scary movie date nights- sitting on the roof- laying in a hammock.

Happiness is Life in general. Look for it. Embrace it. Love it. 

G is for Good Job!

Everyone wants praise. That's just the world we live in.
It's nice to know when we are doing something right, or that we are doing a good job.


However, we are starting to become a praise driven society. I know many people who don't do something unless they know they are going to be praised. I know people who actively search for praise. People who fish for compliments. How did we come to this? Can we really not just live quietly, going about our lives, doing good, just for the simpleness of doing good? Must we always be placed on a pedestal?

We are currently living in a world where because of this, children now depend on praise in order to feel validated. Children are given trophies just for participating, even if they never got off the bench.

Praise has also wormed its way into becoming a huge player in the classroom. As a future teacher, I have spent quite a lot of time inside real classrooms watching and observing. I have been around really amazing teachers and some really not amazing teachers. Each teacher had her own way of using praise within the classroom, but, more often than not, they all used the blanket "Good Job", or "You're so smart!"when talking to their students. In one day, I heard the phrase "Good Job" over 35 times. That was it though. Just "Good Job." There was no originality, nothing specific or personal about the praise.

Now, I'm not saying that praise is bad, and that we shouldn't be praising our students and children. No, children need praise, especially when they are young and still developing. But there is a better way to go about praising our children.

Recently, there have been a number of studies done about praise and intelligence. In one study, children were divided into two groups and given the same puzzle to solve. The puzzle was easy enough that all students were able to solve it, but each group was given a different type of praise. The first group was given the blanket "Good job! You are so smart!" phrases. Group two on the other hand was told things like they did a great job coming up with different ways to solve the puzzle, that they were hard workers, and that they didn't give up. Later, the children were presented with the option to complete the same puzzle, or try one that was more challenging. Group two, the ones who were told were hard workers and creatives, opted to try and solve the harder puzzle, while the children in the first group chose to do the same puzzle again.

Why is this?

Because, when we give general praise, tell children they are smart, we limit their intelligence and hinder their creative problem solving abilities. The children in the first group knew that they were smart with the first puzzle, but the fear of the unknown, the harder puzzle, kept them from even trying. What if they were not smart when it came to something more challenging? They wanted to remain "smart" and so they stayed at the same level and refused to even try. Along with this, while  group two learned that they were hard workers, and could work independently without needing to be praised at every task completed, the children in the first group became dependent on that praise. They needed to be told that they were doing a good job with every step of the process that they completed.

Praise is a good thing. I fully intend to praise my students for their outstanding accomplishments. But, I will also teach my students that they do not always need that extrinsic motivation. One teacher I had the  privilege of working with was a master of this.  Not only did she use specific, child process  praise, but she also turned it back onto them, reminding them of how good it felt to have all their work completed and turned in on time, how good it felt to have studied and gotten good grades on tests, how good it felt to be on their best behavior and not being in trouble all the time. Slowly, as the year progressed, the children no longer came up to show her every single assignment, no longer were they calling attention to any tiny behavior or good choice that they made. Praise was still handed out in the classroom, but it actually meant something to the children.


So, next time you are with a child, and they do something good or amazing, praise them. But be specific. When they show you a drawing, ask them about it, and then use that to give them praise. Tell them you like how they completed something. Next time they tell you a story, tell them you are proud of the choices they made, and explain to them why. Don't you dare say "Good Job" and walk away. Don't you dare tell them they are smart without explaining why. Encourge their creativity, don't hinder it.

F is for Falling

Although hardly ever by choice, I spend a lot of time on the ground. I'm a really clumsy person, and that tends to lead to me falling down a lot. Like, more than normal people. I fall all the time, literally and figuratively. I can't begin to count the times that I have fallen, whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically. 

However, during my time spent on the ground, I have come to look at things through a different perspective. Everything seems different when you are laying on the ground. Being on the ground allows me time to sit back and look at my life and my actions from afar. From the ground, I can more clearly see what is really happening, and then make better judgments based on my new perspective. 

There is a line from one of my favorite movies that has always stuck out to me, and has stuck with me throughout my life. In the beginning of the Batman series, Bruce falls down an abandoned well on his parents estate while playing with his childhood friend. After some time, his father rescues him, and asks him a very important question. He asks, " Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." 

Although only a short moment in the film, this line teaches us two important lesson. Not only should we pick ourselves back up after we have fallen, but we must also learn how. It may be different every time, but at some point, we learn how to best pick ourselves off the floor, dust ourselves off, and continue going. 

Just because we have picked ourselves up, doesn't mean that everything will be easy and simple again. I can not tell you how many times I have picked myself up, only to run full speed into another wall, slam into it, and fall back down. It may take awhile. Sometimes I like to stay on the floor and sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it to get back up, but I always get up. I always get up, and start running. 

So, fall. Fall a lot. Falling isn't a bad thing. Just get back up.