J is for Just In Time

  Time has always been something that is just so interesting to me. Sounds strange I know, But let me  explain myself. 

They say that patience is a virtue, but it is not a virtue that I possess. Patience is probably the greatest thing that I have struggled with my whole life. Every single day is a new challenge and test, and scarcely does a week go by when I don't have a huge, in my face lesson on patience. I've always said that Heavenly Father and I have such a humorous relationship and I think that His trials in patience that He gives me must be His entertainment for the week. I'm sure He gets a good laugh every now and then!

Growing up in the church, there was one common phrase that I heard quite often; in talks, the scriptures, all over. Although often phrased differently, the meaning was always the same. The Lord's time. In the time of the Lord. 

We learn and know that the Lord's time is very different than our own. Not only by how He measures it, but also by how it passes. This has been the biggest struggle of my whole life. 

Let me explain. In my classroom, we are currently working on teaching our second grade students about Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits. One of the habits (the one we are currently focusing on RIGHT NOW) is to begin with the end in mind. When we put this into practice, we create goals, somewhere we want to end, and then we focus our actions onto achieving that goal. 

So how does this fit into the the Lord's time? Heavenly Father already knows the end. He knows what we are going to go through and when we will stumble and fall. Because He already knows all of this, He knows exactly when to step in and help, when to give us some encouragement, and even when to take certain things away from us. 

So this is where my struggle come into play. When I make a goal or decided I want something, I want it RIGHT NOW. Hello lack of patience. I have the hardest time waiting for things and I can't even begin to tell you how many nights I have spent on my knees pleading with Heavenly Father to give me something or to even take something away from me. 

Fortunately, Heavenly Father knows me better and more intimately than I know myself, and He has my end in mind always. If any of you have seen me cry ever, you know how absolutely heartbreaking and ugly that experience is. I have no doubt that in those moments, when I am sobbing and crying out for help, Heavenly Father would like nothing more than to gather me into his arms, hold me tight, and tell me that everything is going to be okay, that in the end I will understand why He gives me the trials He does. But He doesn't, not only because I have my agency, but also because He always knows what is best for me.   

Because Heavenly Father knows me so well, (and if I may go back to the humorous relationship that He and I share) likes to joke with me, He has made sure that EVERY single blessing that I have ever received in my entire life has included some form of my favorite phrase, According to the Lord's time. Apparently I need to be reminded that He is in control quite often. 

While I never see it in the moment, when I actually take the time to stop and I am quiet, I can always see the purpose of why things come about exactly when they do. While I may not understand why I meet someone when I do or why someone is removed from my life when I don't want them to be, when I look back I can see why. Every single person who has walked into or out of my life did so at the exact moment that I needed them to. Certain people have walked into my life right before the storms hit, and they were the ones who had exactly what I needed to get me safely through the hard times in my life. Other people have left my life moments before things would have most likely taken me away from my goals, and although in the moment I hate to see them go, I have come to realize that this is Heavenly Fathers way of protecting me. 

My life is full of examples of Heavenly Father giving me exactly what I need at exactly the right time. I can't tell you how many songs have begun to play, songs that sang the words I needed to hear when I needed to hear them. How many quotes I have stumbled upon that said the things I couldn't put into words. How many times someone has called at the exact moment that I needed to hear from them only to have them say the exact things I needed to hear. Even this particular blog post came about at the right moment it needed to. I had this topic planned months ago, but every time I sat down to write it, I couldn't even put one complete sentence together. Clearly I still needed to learn something about timing!

I is for Inside Out

Recently, the best friend and I went to go see this darling movie. While its a lovely movie for children, full of good laughs and values, I found this movie to have a huge lesson tied into it. I love when I learn such important life lessons from such unexpected venues, and this movie is the perfect example of how sometimes the answers we are seeking in life often come to us in ways we never would have expected. 

We need sadness. 

I feel as though there is so much pressure in this world to be happy. You say you're sad or upset about something and a million people are right there telling you to stay strong and be positive. Pinterest is full of pins telling us to be happy, that sadness is a waste of our time, that you have to stay strong and always be smiling. To look at the positive side of things because being sad isn't worth your time. Because of this, I know I personally sometimes feel a little guilty about feeling sad and crying over stupid things, cause Pinterest is always right, right? There is always someone who has it worse than I do, crying and frowning gives me wrinkles and so I just need to be happy and get over it...

I call bullsh*t on this whole mentality that we have somehow brainwashed ourselves into believing. There is nothing wrong with being sad. In fact, I think that we NEED to be sad in order to actually truly be able to experience joy and real happiness. If we wander around telling ourselves to be happy, we are not opening ourselves up to be able to know what real and perfect happiness is. 

In the movie, Joy, one of the feelings, is like the world, in that she believes that Sadness is worthless. She can't do anything right, just gets in the way and ruins everything. Joy often puts Sadness in the corner or her own circle, so that she doesn't touch anything or get in the way of Joy trying to work. If Joy had her way, Sadness would probably be sent away, because in her mind, Sadness is not needed at all. However, as the movie progresses and Joy goes through trial after trail with no one but Sadness by her side, she slowly comes to realize the truth. Sadness is extremely important. Not to ruin the movie, but in the end, Sadness is actually the one who saves the day, and Joy learns that, when they work together, they can create beautiful things and solve any problem. 

We need sadness. 

Now, don't get me wrong. We ought not dwell on sadness. But, I am saying that it's okay to be sad. There isn't anything wrong with it. Be sad. When that cute guy/ girl rejects you, be sad. When you bomb a test, be sad. When you take a trip down memory lane, it's okay to be sad. Just don't stay sad. Be sad for awhile, then, pick yourself back up and go experience joy. Do something that makes you happy.  Allow yourself to cry for a minute, then wipe those tears off that beautiful face of yours, pick your sword back up, and keep fighting! 

H is for Happiness!

Looking on any social media site, and 8 out of 10 posts are complaints. (According to a study I totally just made up to make a point.)

Turn on the news and all you hear are stories of people doing wrong. I can't remember the last time I saw something good on the news. 

So, in order to bring a little bit more happiness and joy into everyone's life, I decided to make a list. A "Happiness Is" list. This is just a silly little list, and it really is only from my point of view, but maybe you can find something on this list that makes you happy as well. I really just want you to see that even though life gets hard, and sometimes it really sucks, there can be moments of happiness found everywhere, if you only stop to see them. 

Well, here it is. 

Happiness is- According to Nicole

Happiness is: seeing elephants-playing in the rain- swimming- laughing until you cry- eating delicious food- watching a good movie- watching a horrible movie (with the right people)- snuggling- holding hands- forehead kisses- eating brownies from a pan- the cold side of the pillow- looking at the stars- bonfires with friends- hugs from children- drawings from children- a child telling you a funny story- long talks on the phone with your mom- dancing- family visits- tickle fights- nose kisses- first kisses- holding pinkies- staying in bed all day- warm blankets on cold nights- someone holding your hand while you when you get sick- children's books- compliments- hugs from behind- hugs from mom and dad- someone understanding your crazy and still loving you- hot tubs- baking- cooking- zamboni rides- french fries- midnight talks with friends- dirty diet cokes- photography- hiking- singing- singing badly- 1000 blank white cards- holding a baby- making up a secret language with your niece(even though she isn't even 1 yet...)- going to the movies with grandma- footie pjs- friends who wear footie pjs with you- hugs- kisses from babies- listening to music- rollerblading- new clothes- books- strawberries- back massages- long drives- road trips- traditions- the moment right before you fall asleep- flowers- new pens- new notebooks- adventures- sunshine- fuzzy blankets- birthday dances- new pillows- surprise texts- zombie tag- new friends- swimming pools- the smell of sunscreen- pineapple- finding that song that perfectly explains how you feel- pizza-  playing with a puppy- doing the wobble- running- being underwater- shopping with your best friends- zumba- nicknames- orange juice- story time- days off work- roller-coaster rides- someone understanding you just need to cry it out- getting mail- making doughnuts- new shampoo- new razors- silly date nights- scary movie date nights- sitting on the roof- laying in a hammock.

Happiness is Life in general. Look for it. Embrace it. Love it. 

G is for Good Job!

Everyone wants praise. That's just the world we live in.
It's nice to know when we are doing something right, or that we are doing a good job.


However, we are starting to become a praise driven society. I know many people who don't do something unless they know they are going to be praised. I know people who actively search for praise. People who fish for compliments. How did we come to this? Can we really not just live quietly, going about our lives, doing good, just for the simpleness of doing good? Must we always be placed on a pedestal?

We are currently living in a world where because of this, children now depend on praise in order to feel validated. Children are given trophies just for participating, even if they never got off the bench.

Praise has also wormed its way into becoming a huge player in the classroom. As a future teacher, I have spent quite a lot of time inside real classrooms watching and observing. I have been around really amazing teachers and some really not amazing teachers. Each teacher had her own way of using praise within the classroom, but, more often than not, they all used the blanket "Good Job", or "You're so smart!"when talking to their students. In one day, I heard the phrase "Good Job" over 35 times. That was it though. Just "Good Job." There was no originality, nothing specific or personal about the praise.

Now, I'm not saying that praise is bad, and that we shouldn't be praising our students and children. No, children need praise, especially when they are young and still developing. But there is a better way to go about praising our children.

Recently, there have been a number of studies done about praise and intelligence. In one study, children were divided into two groups and given the same puzzle to solve. The puzzle was easy enough that all students were able to solve it, but each group was given a different type of praise. The first group was given the blanket "Good job! You are so smart!" phrases. Group two on the other hand was told things like they did a great job coming up with different ways to solve the puzzle, that they were hard workers, and that they didn't give up. Later, the children were presented with the option to complete the same puzzle, or try one that was more challenging. Group two, the ones who were told were hard workers and creatives, opted to try and solve the harder puzzle, while the children in the first group chose to do the same puzzle again.

Why is this?

Because, when we give general praise, tell children they are smart, we limit their intelligence and hinder their creative problem solving abilities. The children in the first group knew that they were smart with the first puzzle, but the fear of the unknown, the harder puzzle, kept them from even trying. What if they were not smart when it came to something more challenging? They wanted to remain "smart" and so they stayed at the same level and refused to even try. Along with this, while  group two learned that they were hard workers, and could work independently without needing to be praised at every task completed, the children in the first group became dependent on that praise. They needed to be told that they were doing a good job with every step of the process that they completed.

Praise is a good thing. I fully intend to praise my students for their outstanding accomplishments. But, I will also teach my students that they do not always need that extrinsic motivation. One teacher I had the  privilege of working with was a master of this.  Not only did she use specific, child process  praise, but she also turned it back onto them, reminding them of how good it felt to have all their work completed and turned in on time, how good it felt to have studied and gotten good grades on tests, how good it felt to be on their best behavior and not being in trouble all the time. Slowly, as the year progressed, the children no longer came up to show her every single assignment, no longer were they calling attention to any tiny behavior or good choice that they made. Praise was still handed out in the classroom, but it actually meant something to the children.


So, next time you are with a child, and they do something good or amazing, praise them. But be specific. When they show you a drawing, ask them about it, and then use that to give them praise. Tell them you like how they completed something. Next time they tell you a story, tell them you are proud of the choices they made, and explain to them why. Don't you dare say "Good Job" and walk away. Don't you dare tell them they are smart without explaining why. Encourge their creativity, don't hinder it.

F is for Falling

Although hardly ever by choice, I spend a lot of time on the ground. I'm a really clumsy person, and that tends to lead to me falling down a lot. Like, more than normal people. I fall all the time, literally and figuratively. I can't begin to count the times that I have fallen, whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically. 

However, during my time spent on the ground, I have come to look at things through a different perspective. Everything seems different when you are laying on the ground. Being on the ground allows me time to sit back and look at my life and my actions from afar. From the ground, I can more clearly see what is really happening, and then make better judgments based on my new perspective. 

There is a line from one of my favorite movies that has always stuck out to me, and has stuck with me throughout my life. In the beginning of the Batman series, Bruce falls down an abandoned well on his parents estate while playing with his childhood friend. After some time, his father rescues him, and asks him a very important question. He asks, " Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." 

Although only a short moment in the film, this line teaches us two important lesson. Not only should we pick ourselves back up after we have fallen, but we must also learn how. It may be different every time, but at some point, we learn how to best pick ourselves off the floor, dust ourselves off, and continue going. 

Just because we have picked ourselves up, doesn't mean that everything will be easy and simple again. I can not tell you how many times I have picked myself up, only to run full speed into another wall, slam into it, and fall back down. It may take awhile. Sometimes I like to stay on the floor and sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it to get back up, but I always get up. I always get up, and start running. 

So, fall. Fall a lot. Falling isn't a bad thing. Just get back up. 

E is For Elephants

E is for Elephants.

Of course it is. If you even entertained the slightest thought that I would write about something other than elephants, you should be ashamed of yourself. Clearly, you don’t know me as well as you think you do.

For those of you who really don’t know me that well, let me begin this post by saying that I love elephants. With a passion. I can’t get enough of them. When I see something that has an elephant on it, I will typically buy it. People now buy me things simply because it has an elephant on it. (Makes buying gifts for me so much easier I think.) I have so many elephants in my life. From sweatshirts, to rings, to bracelets, rings, necklaces, blankets, shirts, scarfs, piggy banks, statues, and stuffed elephants, elephants pretty much consume my life.

I don’t know why I like elephants so much. I don’t have the words to describe the feeling that I get when I see one. The joy is so intense that it very often brings tears to my eyes. If I ever got to touch one, we all know I would end up balling my eyes out from excitement. When I am stressed, elephants bring me peace, and when I am upset, they provide the comfort I so desperately need.

Now, while I love elephants, this post is actually not me trying to convince you to fall in love with them either. Rather, it is to convince you to find something for yourself that is to me what elephants are to me. Everyone needs something, anything good, that they can turn to no matter the situation. Something that brings them pure joy, just by looking at it. Something that can bring comfort where others have failed. I’m not advocating that you do something bad or look at things you’ll regret later in life for a moment of fleeting joy, instead I’m telling you to find your elephants. Find that one thing that speaks to you, and then, make it yours. 

D is for Don't Date Douchebags

The title pretty much say's it all. Don't do it.


This one applies to both genders, cause ladies, let's be honest here, we can be douchebags too. It's a fact of life.

Need some examples? Don't worry little ones, I got this one covered.

If they don't want anyone to know that you are dating and climb out a window in your apartment so your room mates don't see them, you might not want to date them.

If they don't want anyone to know you are dating at all, you might not want to date them.

If they get upset every time you want to go do something with your room mates, you might not want to date them.

If they don't believe that you really are only having a girls night with your room mates, you might not want to date them.

If they only want to make out you, you might not want to date them.

If they get to text ex girlfriends/boyfriends, but get upset when you glance at member of the opposite gender, you probably shouldn't date them.

If they refuse to meet your family after dating for awhile, you probably shouldn't be dating them.

If they make fun of your beliefs, break up with them.

Now, I get it, sometimes it's hard to tell if a person is a douchebag right off the bat. Sometimes it takes awhile for these things to surface. But, once they do, RUN.

I get it. Dating is hard. Especially now. They don't always have to text you first. They don't have to want to hang out with you all the time. But everyone deserves someone who is going to treat them right. If they can't respect you or if they treat you like dirt, don't waste your time on them. It doesn't matter how cute they are, or how wonderful you have built them up in your mind to be. It's not worth the inevitable pain that will come.

C is for Country Music

This semester is packed full of methods courses, such as teaching math, teaching social studies, teaching reading, and teaching writing-to name a few. In my writing class, our teacher firmly believes that of we are going to be effective writing teachers, then we have to be writers ourselves. Because of this, we have a short quick write every class, where she poses a question or the beginning of a sentence and we respond. I thought I would use this post to show off some of my favorite responses. 

This first one was a descriptive writing that Rachel, Kayla and I did about a parade. We were given the word parade and were told to come up with various descriptive words that we could use to describe the parade without actually saying parade, and then we were told to write a story about it. This is what we came up with-

"During the hot summer, the whole town gathers on the cool grass to watch the glimmering instruments as they move in unison down the center lane. Amid the shouting and cheering, the sirens begin leading the slow procession through the city. As the colorful floats, glittering in the sunlight pass by, tired parents watch their laughing children greedily snatch up the sweets thrown on the rough pavement. Large hands lead sticky fingers away from the smells of the wet pavement and the musky crowds."

That day we also came up with things like " A damp towel is a useless as soggy bread," and "A damp towel feels like wet socks after a jog through the woods, the woods, oh the woods."

One of my favorite things that I have written in this class (the one that bring it back to the letter C) is this one. The prompt we were given was "If my life was a song it would be..." This is what I came up with. 

"If my life was a song it would be a country song. It would be one that would make you want to dance. Full of happy times to make you giggle and sad times to make you quiet, my song would be one that would make you look back longingly to the past, while still allowing you to look forward to the future with hope."

So, if your life was a song- what would your song be?

B is for Beautiful. You are Beautiful.

This post is written specifically for my little sister. As the oldest girl in my family,  my goal as my sister grows up is to be the older sister to her that I wish I had growing up, the one who was supposed to tell me all of these things.

However, the things that I will be writing about in this installment can apply to everyone- even boys!

A few years ago I took a family finance class here at Utah State. While in the class one of our assignments was to figure out our net worth. For those of you who don’t know how to find your net worth, in simple terms, you take everything you own and add up how much that is worth, then subtract all the debts you have and wham! That’s how much money you are worth.

As a poor college student, sitting down to do the assignment proved to be discouraging and upsetting. The most expensive thing that I owned was my camera, and possibly my laptop. I had a $200 championship water polo ring, but other than that, I didn’t have anything of value. Those few hundred dollars didn’t even begin to make a dent in the student loans I was currently racking up. Suddenly, I was worth nothing.  As a woman, I had grown up with media shoving their idea of a worth while woman in my face constantly, and according to my net worth, I didn’t measure up.

This assignment made me start to think about the idea of self-worth and body image. Why is it we tell the girls who have the expensive haircuts and designer jeans that they are the important ones? That they are the ones who have the most worth? How is this supposed to make the girl sitting in the corner in with the supercuts haircut and $10 walmart jeans? Is she not important? Does she not matter? Is she not beautiful as well?

Sydney, (and all of the rest of you reading this) YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

As a daughter of God, a princess of the most royal king, created in His image, there is no way that you can not be beautiful. President Utchdorf has given numerous talks on this subject. One of his most famous, the one about the Forget-Me-Not, although aimed at Relief Society sisters, has important applications for every woman (and man, of course) no matter their age. Heavenly Father loves you. He is always aware of you, of your hopes and desires, of your sorrows and trials. He does not look to earthly things to determine your worth, but rather, He looks inside of you.

Recently, President Utchdorf gave another talk, this time in the General women’s session of the October 2014 conference. While his talk was focused on living the gospel joyfully, he did say this- “Do you suppose it matters to our Heavenly Father whether your makeup, clothes, hair, and nails are perfect? Do you think your value to Him changes based on how many followers you have on Instagram or Pinterest? Do you think He wants you to worry or get depressed if some un-friend or un-follow you on Facebook or Twitter? Do you think outward attractiveness, your dress size, or popularity make the slightest difference in your worth to the One who created the universe?” None of that matters to Him. It doesn't matter if you carry hundred dollar purses, or if you wear sweatpants all day. 

Because you are a child of the most high God, you are infinitely precious in His sight.

And, you are beautiful.  Don’t any of you ever forget that. 

A is for Always.

Always. 

Snape said it. Whitney Houston sang about it.  Everyone is searching for it.

Talking to people is always so fascinating. No matter what you talk about, no matter who you talk to, there is always the underlying theme of forever and always. They may be talking about love. They might not be. You could be talking to a completely random stranger about their likes, their dislikes, but it's always there. It's clear that everyone is searching for something that will last forever, something that will always be there.

How interesting do you think it would be for many people to learn that they already have something that will always be there. Something, that no matter what they do, will always be there. No matter how many mistakes they make, how many times they try and fail, will always be there?

Always.
That's the promise our Heavenly Father gives us for His love. Always. And yet, we are often slow to believe this. I have often wondered why this is. If we are all searching for our always, why would we not believe that our Heavenly Father would always love us? How powerful the grasp of Satan, to make us believe that we have sinned more than our Father's perfect love can forgive.

The scriptures are full of examples of our Father's unfailing love. The parable in Matthew of the prodigal son is an amazing example. My most favorite and the one that really drives home this point in my own life, is the story of Alma the Younger. After all he had done, all the sins he committed, our Father in Heaven STILL loved him. In Mosiah we read that because of his sins, Alma was wracked with the pains of his sins, he sorrowed so much that he wished he could die, that he could be banished from the presence of the Father, and yet, even still, the Father always loved him. He never stopped. Finally, after having repented of his sins, Alma was filled with immense joy, that he remembered them no more and was filled with a marvelous light. (see Mosiah 36)

How comforting this passage has been in my own life. There have been times when I have sinned and have allowed the devil to drag me down into that awful hell, full of grief and pain. There have been many times that I have cried out in pain, believing that the Father has forgotten me, that there was no possible way that He could ever love me again.

Oh, how wrong I have been, The Father has always been there. He has always loved me.

We do have our part to do though. We must not run through this life thinking that it is okay to do whatever, because the Lord will always love us. While the knowledge that the Father will always love me is what brings me peace and allows me to start each new day with a hope for the future, I must do my part and repent of all of my wrong doings. And while that is not always easy, it must be done. It is the knowledge that there is nothing I can do, no level I can sink to, that the infinite light of the Savior and his atonement can not find me, can not reach me.

In April of 2012, Elder Jeffery R. Holland gave a talk entitled "The Laborers in the Vineyard". This talk entered into my life at the exact moment that I was struggling with this concept the most, further proving that the Father is ever mindful of me. I had not told anyone of my struggles, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I had not prayed about them wither, and yet, this talk came at a critical and important time.

This is only a small, simple part of his talk, given at the very end, and yet, to me, it is the most important part of the entire talk. I'll let Elder Holland do the talking, because he can say things in ways that my simple words could never begin to do justice.



Always.

Coming Soon!!

I am so excited for this announcement. 

For Christmas, a very good friend gave me a book called K Is For Knifeball. If you haven't read this book, and are not easily offended, you NEED to read this. I laughed so hard I almost cried. For those of you who do get easily offended or for whatever reason do not read, basically this book goes through the entire alphabet giving horrible advice for each letter. It's hilarious. 

After reading this particular book to another friend, she suggested that I make my own. I really liked that idea and immediately set to work creating my own alphabet. Although this project started out simply, and as one liners, I have tweaked it, as an attempt to challenge myself as a writer, into what it is today. 

And so, I give you the Alphabet According to Nicole. 

Basically, every week (hopefully) I will write a post that has to do with each letter, starting with A. Some of these posts will be funny, some will make you cry. Some will be gospel oriented, while others will be about schools and teaching. Every post will be different. You may love some, and hate others, but each week there will be something new. 

So, sit back and enjoy the ride. It's going to be good.