Let It Go. Please.

As a hotel housekeeper, I have ample time to listen to music. Working four days a week adds up to a lot of time to waste listening to all kinds of music. 

Recently, I have been listening to the Frozen soundtrack (don't judge. I freaking love that movie) Anyway, I remember back when the film first came out, there were many mommy bloggers ranting about Frozen and specifically the song Let It Go. One blog stated that she would not allow her daughters to watch the movie anymore because Let It Go teaches her daughters to let go of the rules and not worry about what's right or wrong. Many other blogs have complained that the song is actually a way for Disney to promote a gay or homosexual agenda. 

With all this negativity swirling around, I thought I might add my own two cents, my positive two cents. Take it as you will, this is just my opinion. 

First. 

      If you forbid your children from watching Frozen simply because of one song, you clearly didn't pay attention to the movie. Yes, Elsa sings about finally letting go, pushing off the pressures and not worrying about what is right or wrong. Yes, she decides to make decisions based solely on how she feels, what feels right to her. And yes, I agree, at the time it seems like Elsa is having the time of her life. She makes her own rules, her own ice palace, even makes a fabulous new dress. All based on what she thinks that she hasn't been allowed to do while living in the palace. So I understand why some parents may not want their children to follow this example. However, I suggest that you continue to watch the movie, because an important lesson is taught further down the line. 

       While Elsa is off by herself making her own choices, not worrying about what effects her actions have on others, others are suffering because of her actions. Children should be taught that every action has consequences, good or bad, and that sometimes, they are not the only ones that have to feel the effect that come from those actions. 

      Ultimately, Elsa learns that her actions have effects on people besides herself, and she realizes that that sometimes, rules and guidelines are there to help and protect us. Although throwing away the rules and only acting on your own impulses may seem to be exciting and so fun in the beginning, eventually that novelty wears off. Reality always catches up and like Elsa, you will once again be confronted with those rules and fears again. What are you going to do? Keep running forever? What kind of life would you have? Sure, it took a drastic act of freezing her sister, but Elsa learns it in that moment. 

Second. 

     Now, this may be slightly controversial and some people may be upset with what I have to say. But I feel like I need to say it. However, I would like to begin by letting you all know that I LOVE the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love being a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I fully understand that the commandments given are not given restrict us or our agency, but that they are put into place as protections, that when we keep and live the commandments that we will be happy and joyful. That said, I believe that sometimes we don't necessarily teach our children this fact and we can, as a church, only focus on the negative, what will happen if we don't keep the commandments and simply gloss over the fact that they bring joy to our lives. Because of this, I know many youth who feel so much pressure to be perfect and get stressed and depressed when they cannot fully live up to these expectations. 

How awful!

Sticking with the Frozen theme, in the song Let It Go, the very one that's under fire, Elsa sings about how she was always told to be a good perfect girl, and how since she is letting go, that perfect girl is gone. She then goes on to sing 

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!

      I believe that we can learn a lesson from this. Instead of beating our children down with the negative, we need to teach them that our church is a church filled with non perfect people, and THAT IS OKAY. That's how its supposed to be! We are not supposed to be perfect, we are here to make mistakes and learn from them. And believe me. I have made some of the stupidest mistakes ever. Many of the mistakes that I have made I wish I could go back in time and not do. But that's where the repentance process comes in. 

    So we need to teach our children that it's okay to make mistakes. That its okay not to be perfect. Teach them that it's okay to Let It Go. That sometimes they need to. Perfect people don't exist. Let them go out in the world, where the storm is constantly raging, and let them make their own mistakes and decisions. 

Just Let The Stars Guide You

I like to look at stars. A lot. I will honestly stay up for hours just looking up at the stars. I actually just had a friend ask me why I always wanted to go stargazing, and this was my response. It may seem silly, but stars actually play a really big and important role in my life. Let me explain.

Now, for those of you who are actually reading this, I don't know how you feel about God, if you believe in one or not, and I don't want to use this post to force anything on you, just read. 

Growing up, I was always taught that I was a daughter of God, a Heavenly Father who loved me more than my mortal understanding could ever come to grasp. While I know this to be true, occasionally, life throws dark storm clouds across our skies and sometimes it can be hard to remember just how much Heavenly Father loves us. Sometimes, when life gets hard, its easy to forget how important we really are. 

That's where stars come into play for me. The reason that I like to look at stars is because they remind me of how special I am. When I look at them, I am reminded that out of all of his vast and innumerable creations, I am important to him. Heavenly Father knows me my name, He knows my hopes and dreams, and He knows best how to comfort me. He knows when I have reached my breaking point and He knows exactly when to send me help. I like to look at the stars because it comforts me to know that not only does He know how many stars there are in the heavens, but He also knows who I am, and He loves me so much, I am so important to Him, and that He will NEVER forget me. 

 During one particularly hard time in my life, I had lost sight of how special and precious I really was. Using one of his best tactics, Satan had lead me to believe that I wasn't anything important and my problems didn't matter. Why, compared to the entire world, and everyone in it, my problems didn't even amount to a speck of dust. So I went for a walk one night, just trying to find some peace anywhere, from anything. I remember that it was a cloudy night, and I was really upset that I couldn't see the stars. I felt like if I could just see one star, that for some reason, that would mean that Heavenly Father really did love me, and that things would be okay. I walked and walked, but there weren't any stars. Frustrated, I decided to return home, and as I reached my door, I turned around one more time, and to my surprise, the clouds were completely gone, and the night sky was lit up with the most beautiful stars. 

Even now, no matter what happens, whenever I am feeling small and unimportant, when the world has pushed me to believe that I don't matter, I turn my eyes toward the heavens, and without fail, no matter how cloudy or stormy it is, Heavenly Father always shows me His stars. Even if it is one tiny star peeking out through the angry storm clouds, there is always one there, and I am always reminded of just how much He loves me. 

I, Pencil

Man. I wish that I actually had time to write this post awhile ago. I have actually had this one planned for ages, it just seems that NOW is the first time that I actually have the time to sit down and write it out.

So, let’s begin.

A while ago now, for FHE in my singles ward here on campus, we had a mini MTC (missionary training center). TO be completely honest, I wasn’t really excited to go, I am not planning on going on a mission any time soon (although, who knows. That can change at any moment) and it didn’t really sound like a super fun activity. However, I knew there was going to be a cute boy there, and my room mate wanted to go.

Thank Goodness for her. She has dragged me along to so many activities that I did not want to go to, and surprise, surprise, I always learned something that I needed to know at that point in my life. Without fail.

Anyways. The focus throughout the night was on member missionary work. We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘Every Member A Missionary’. Now, I don’t know about you, but that sometimes scares the crap out of me. I always get so…apprehensive when it comes to doing missionary work, simply because I have absolutely no idea where to start. It’s not like I don’t have any nonmember friends, growing up in California, having member friends was an oddity. But whenever I think of missionary work, I always get the picture in my head of the suit and tag. And that freaks me out.

During the course of the night, one of the guys who was teaching, handed each of us a pencil. With the pencil came this statement “Not one person in the entire world knows how to make a pencil.” Yet here it was in my hand. I was holding a pencil. How was this true?

Well, I knew the answer right away. In fact, I immediately turned to my room mate and told her that not one person knew how to make a pencil, because it takes multiple people to make a pencil. I don’t know the specifics, but I figure that it takes one person to cut the wood, one to make the graphite, one to make the eraser, one to put it all together, etc.

I was correct. The teacher then went on to show us an essay written, entitled I, Pencil. If you have a chance, go read the whole thing. It has some interesting points.

Simple? Yet, not a single person on the face of this earth knows how to make me. This sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Especially when it is realized that there are about one and one-half billion of my kind produced in the U.S.A. each year.

Pick me up and look me over. What do you see? Not much meets the eye—there's some wood, lacquer, the printed labeling, graphite lead, a bit of metal, and an eraser.

The essay then goes on to talk about how millions of people have played a part in the creation of the pencil, even though many have no idea that they had any contribution at all.

So, you are most likely sitting there reading this thinking to yourself, ‘That’s nice Nicole. But I thought this was about missionary work. What does a pencil have to do with missionary work?’

Well let me tell you.

Often, I think that many of us are guilty of not doing any missionary work because we are afraid, we get overwhelmed. After all, we are only one person. What can one person possibly do?

That was exactly my fears about missionary work. But one of the major things that I learned from this lesson is that there is not one single person who is responsible for missionary work. Again, let me explain.

No matter how amazing of a person you are, no matter how righteous or spiritual you are, you alone will not convert anyone. Often, the person who is being converted to this wonderful gospel has been becoming prepared for a long time. Through small and seemingly insignificant events in their lives, they have been prepped to receive the gospel.

With this in mind, I have begun to look at doing member missionary work differently. I always used to get so scared because I thought that when I did missionary work, it was all me, that if I messed up in any way, that I would have ruined their chances for eternal happiness. However, I can now see things in a different light, that I alone am not going to convince this person to join the Church. Sure, I play a part, and although that part may be small, it is really important.

Next time  you are feeling down on yourself for not doing ‘missionary work’, just remember, not one person knows how to make a pencil. It takes all of us. 

Taking A Little Liberty...

So, the other day in Relief Society, we were talking about how amazing it is that we have living Prophets and Apostle’s that give us guidance that is specifically meant for us, for this exact time on earth. And that is simply astounding. I love it.

 The lovely sister teaching the lesson had us do an activity where she handed each woman a small piece of paper, where we wrote on them things that we were currently struggling with and needed answers to. She then collected them, mixed them all up, and handed each woman a new paper. She had us all pull out our phones and had each of us look up an answer to the dilemma that the other sister had written down, based on council given by our leaders. Except for the fact that we ran out of time, she was then going to collect them back and read a few of them.

The one that I got to find an answer to was ‘caring for myself as much as others”

Now, I KNOW there have been talks about this. I know that somewhere, someone has even mentioned it. But, for some reason, I could not find a single thing. Maybe I wasn’t looking in the right spot, using the right phrases, I don’t know. Anyway. I decided, since I didn’t want anyone’s problem to get left unanswered, that I would take some creative liberty and answer her the best that I knew how.

I only had a few seconds, so I jotted down the first thing that popped into my head, and I really think and hope that this was inspired. This is what I wrote to that sister:

Often, when we love others, we are looking at them through spiritual eyes. We can see them how our Heavenly father sees them, as amazing, wonderful, beautiful children of Heavenly Father. We ought to take the time, to then look inward with these same eyes, because if we did, we would see that we too are so important and beautiful and we have all the potential in the world.

I hope she gets to read that. And I really hope it helps. 

Blank Pieces of Paper

I'm going to be a teacher. Surprise!

 Just kidding, you all already knew that. Anyways, this past weekend, I had the opportunity to go to an Early Childhood Conference and take some of the classes there. It was a really awesome experience, I learned a lot, and I even got to learn how to paint! But there was one thing that I learned at this conference that really got me thinking.

            In one of my classes, the presenter handed each of us a blank piece of paper. That's it. No pencils, no crayons, just that one piece of paper. Then he started talking. And he talked about sometimes, there will be children who walk into our classrooms who are wearing the same clothes as they did the day before, kids who haven't brushed their teeth or combed their hair. And lots of people will look at these children and groan, and tell you not to try to hard with that kid, because they are not going to amount to much, if anything. The presenter went on to talk about how we need to see all of our children as blank pieces of paper. He then told us this story, that really defined what a teacher does. It's a little strange, but bear with me, it all makes sense in the end. He told us that he had the blank paper, and as he was holding, it talked to him and said “Teacher, I want to be a singer. My dream is to sing!” And he looked at this paper and thought well that is silly, you are a paper, there is no way you can sing! You don't even have a mouth! And then he began to think, because he really wanted to help, but it really wasn't possible. And then he came up with a solution. And he picked up that piece of paper and said “If you will trust me, I will mold you into something so great and wonderful, something so much better than you ever dreamed possible. But, you have to trust me.” And the paper said that he trusted the teacher, and so the teacher began to fold and bend the paper, and he made him into a baton. And when he was done, he said, “There! You do not have a mouth, so you can not sing, but I have made you into the most beautiful baton and you will lead the most amazing choir. Would you like that?” And the paper began to cry, because he was so happy, and even though his dream hadn't come true as he had expected it to, he was still able to create beautiful music.

            That really stood out to me, because that is exactly what we as teachers need to be doing. We need to be able to see every single student that we ever come in contact with as that blank piece of paper and really think of all the potential that everyone has. You never really know what exactly someone is capable of achieving, maybe that kid in your class who wears the same clothes everyday is going to grow up to be the next president. Wouldn't you treat that child differently if you knew that? We can't see the future, and so we need to do everything that we can in order to provide a good foundation for them to build upon.

             Now, some of you may be thinking “This is a good story and all, but Nicole, I am not going to be a teacher, this doesn't apply to me...” Oh don't think that! Because this can be shaped into a very valuable lesson for every single person. Just you wait.

             There have been many General Authority’s that have given talks about how with every person that we see, we ought to picture them in white, and to picture them as divine beings, as some of the most precious sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. That's exactly where the story of blank pieces of paper comes into play. Can you all just take a minute, close your eyes and picture what it would be like to see people as blank paper, with all the potential in the world? How would you treat people when you realize that there is no limit to the things that they can achieve, to the greatness that they could become?

I actually had an experience similar to this a few weeks ago in the Logan Temple. My room mates and I had planned to go to the Temple together and so one morning, we all woke up early and went to go do baptisms. Now, if you know me, you know that I am not a morning person, and I was so tired that I didn't bother putting my contacts in, I decided to just wear my glasses. However, I didn't want to deal with them while in the Temple, so I left them in my locker in my purse. I am not blind, but I definitively need my glasses or contacts. I can see colors and general shapes, but other than that, I have no idea. Anyways, I was walking around the Temple semi-blind, and I realized that I could suddenly see people the way our Savior sees us. I could tell that there were people all around me, the Temple was actually super crowded that morning, and I could see that everyone around me was dressed completely in white, but that was all my earthly eyes could see. I realized as I was looking around, that I couldn't tell who was 'pretty', who had more talents than I did, who had more money that I did. In those moment, we were all equal, all special children of a Heavenly Father who loves all of us more than anything I could ever dream of. And suddenly, my spiritual eyes were opened, and I felt this intense love for every single person who was there with me that day. I didn't know who had blue eye, who had acne scars, all I knew was that every single one of us had the potential to achieve a greatness so much better than we could ever dream of.

         Since this, I have been trying to continue to look at people through my spiritual eyes, to see them as our Heavenly Father does. I am not saying I am perfect at this, cause it is still really hard to do sometimes. But, I have noticed that when I take the time to see people as blank pieces of potential, not only am I able to understand them, I am slower to anger and annoyance, and I am able to love them. Love a complete stranger! When I am able to see people as the Savior sees them, they become wonderful and special to me. And like the teacher with the paper, I want to do all that I can in order to help them achieve their greatest potential, even if I can only play a tiny role in that.  

Am I Simply A Cottage?

The timing of Heavenly Father always seems to surprise me. You think that after all the numerous lessons that he has given me, I would finally understand, and yet, here I am.

Anyways. I was going to write this blog post awhile ago. But every time that I sat down to write it, something stopped  me. Looking back, I couldn't figure out why, but now, now I can see why I wasn't supposed to write this post until now. There were a few things that I needed to understand first. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, life was... well hard. I had little motivation to go to class, to eat, to do anything really. And while I was in this funk, all I was thinking about was myself. For weeks, I had my own private pity party where awful thoughts about myself were allowed to run rampant though out my head. Some of these awful things were things like 

I'm not good enough. 

I'll never be able to get any of my work done.

No one wants to hang out with you, you are not fun. 

No one wants to date you, you are not good enough. 

Why bother? 

No one will miss you if you don't go. 

Why try anymore?

Wow. Looking back at that really scares me. Satan had a really strong grasp on me and I never told anyone. I don't like sharing my feelings with people because I fear that they will take them as weaknesses and will then use them against me. 

I was going to end this blog post by simply stating that I finally shook Satan's hold off of me, that I finally came to the realization that it didn't matter if no one wanted to be my friend, because the whole time, I had the very BEST friend in the entire world, and I was ignoring Him. But He never once ignored me. On the hardest days, the days where I thought I was all alone, He was right there beside me, walking with me. On the days where I doubted my strength to even make it through the day, He was always there holding me up. He was ALWAYS there. And it didn't matter if I thought that no one cared about me, or thought I was good enough, because He thinks that I am pretty awesome. I am a child of God, a God who loves me no matter what stupid mistake I make that day. A God who loves me even when it seems like no one cares. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that. 

Like I said, that was going to be my whole post. And I think that it would have been okay. I learned what I needed to learn. At least I thought I had. Heavenly Father had other plans. So, I went to institute wondering why I wasn't able to write this post. And that night in institute, Heavenly Father taught me something so beautiful and wonderful, there was no way that this post could have happened without including this lesson. 

In institute, one student brought up a story by C.S. Lewis about the cottage. If you haven't read that story, you MUST. It's like the story about the gardener that I wrote about awhile back. It really gives you a different perspective on the trials that we go through. 

In the story, C.S. Lewis asks us to imagine that we are a living house. When we invite Christ into our lives, He comes into our houses to fix us, and to make changes. In the beginning you think that he is replacing the drains, painting the walls, or stopping the leaks in the roof. And then we realize that He is doing so much more. Instead of making simple repairs and leaving us mostly how we were, He is instead ripping out the walls, tearing down our foundations and knocking you down in a way that you never expected. And we sit there and cry "Why? Why are you doing this? This hurts and I don't know how much longer I can take this. I am only a simply cottage, why are you doing hurting me?" C.S. Lewis goes on to say that when He is done, we turn around and realize that He has completely rebuilt us, that where we thought we were a simple cottage, too lowly to take much notice of, He has instead built us into a most glorious and beautiful palace. 

Heavenly Father can see the potential in us, even when we have no idea. He sees the palace where we see the cottage. He knows the potential that we have, even when we think we have none. I remember writing in that class that allowing this to happen can hurt, and it often does. But don't you think that it's worth it? Don't you think that after you go through all that pain, when He is finished and  you have become that glorious palace that He always knew you were, would you not look back on all that pain and realize that you could not have become this way without it? Will you not fall upon your knees and crying, thank the Lord for hurting you? So, I will welcome this pain and loneliness into my life. I will accept every heart break and sadness and I will be thankful for every time MY plans and dreams are smashed to bit. I will be thankful for every road block that I slam full speed into, and know that it is all part of the plan. When I am crying out in agony to my Heavenly Father, I must remember that He has a plan for me, one that is SO much better than anything that I could possibly ever dream of for myself. He is ripping my walls down, and slowly building me up into the most beautiful palace. 

 After this, I noticed my life greatly improve. Things got so good, so fast. To be completely honest, I thought I was almost done. I thought that I was so close to being that beautiful building. And then, things fell apart again. And it really hurt. It came out of no where and I was completely blindsided. However, this time, I have been able to stay strong, and remember that this will all be worth it in the end. I may not understand why I have to suffer now, but I KNOW that this is all for me. I know that it pains Heavenly Father to see me crying and so upset, but I also know that He loves me so much and He wouldn't give me anything that He knew I couldn't handle .

I can't see it now, but it will all be worth it.